Like A Luna

Chapter Forty Eight: Clarity

Rylee POV

After work I was tired. Although I hadn't been sick or anything like that through the day, I assumed it was because I was busy so couldn't think about it.

He was talking about Terramend, asking questions as he drove to the restaurant. It was a small, quiet place in an area dominated by Humans. The owners recognised him and gave a tiny bow that was barely noticeable, but we were the only other wolves in there. So we could talk freely in the quiet corner where we were sat by the window.

It was an Italian restaurant, so the portion sizes were quite big anyway which was nice. I was starving. Our conversation stayed on Terramend whilst we ate, I was happy to talk about it if it avoided the conversation of 'us'. It was something I found hard to discuss, especially with him.

I hated that I knew what he felt and I was still struggling to really figure it out. I was so conflicted and it felt wrong, from what id heard about what we were anyway. Once we had finished, he had asked if there was anything I wanted to know. I knew what he was referring to.

Sighing I put my glass down.

"I don't know." I admitted. "I don't know what I'm supposed to want to know. All I know is what I'm doing is wrong for what I should be like."

"There's no specific way for how this should go."

"Everyone makes it sound so easy. I just don't understand what it's supposed to be. Not really."

"Have you thought about asking your mom?"

"She's hu-uh-No. But she's human? Would she even know?"

"She was your father's mate. She knows what it's like to feel the bond."

"Huh... Guess so... But who chooses who? Like, how is it determined who's paired together?"

"No one knows. We only speculate. It's just something that's pre set within us... I knew it was you before I met you."

"How? That makes no sense?"

"Your scent. It was like nothing I'd ever known. I would follow it for hours till I lost you. There was something about the thought of you that kept me awake at night."

"I suppose that makes sense... I could pick up your scent a mile away, I just assumed it was because you're the Alpha."

He smiled. "It's just one of them things..."

"Like knowing when you're close without seeing you?"

"Yeah."

I nodded and looked to the window before looking at my hand, remembering that night at the party event. The feeling of shock in my hand at his touch.

"That too." I looked up at him and found him watching me. "It's the bond."

"I didn't like it." I admitted. "It was like a shock."

"That's because we let the tension build. It's not the same now is it?"

"Uh, no. I guess not."

"You guess?" He asked amused.

"I don't really think about it."

He held his hand out to me on the table, I looked up at him sceptically.

"What's it like now?"

Hesitating, I slid my hand into his, the warmth travelling up my arm. As I thought about the question, I could feel loads of things but I couldn't describe it in more than one word.

"Warm." I admitted glancing up. "But you're always warm compared to me."

"It's not me. It's the bond. We give what the other needs."

My eyes widened as I thought about the incidents that really set this all in motion. "Is that why it had to be me to give your transfusion? Zach didn't even try to find anyone else did he?"

"No." He shook his head gently with a small smile. "He didn't."

"Okay... What else? I mean, I feel normal."

"You sure?" He asked gently tightening his hand round mine. "What about the exhaustion? Confusion? Anger? Worry? Everything you've been carrying on your mind? What are you feeling now?"

"Uh... That's... Huh... I uhm, I haven't thought about it... But, if that's the case... Why wasn't it like this before?"

"Because you wouldn't let me in. The only time I was able to touch you was when we were sparring."

"I just don't get why it's so different now."

"You were distant before. You're letting me in sometimes now."

For the entire journey home I couldn't get my head straight. It was true that I could generally forget all my worries and pain around him but there was still the fact that I was sick after being around him. Was It worth the torture to enjoy his company inbetween? I still didn't even know what we actually were and what it meant. What did it mean to everyone else?

Then there was the pack.

It wasn't until the restaurant owners thanked him stating his title quietly that it hit me. He was the Alpha. Of course I knew he was, but, what did that mean for me? What was the mate of the Alpha? Was it important and was I good enough for it? Could I do whatever he needed? Would everyone else just hate me, and him, for it? Was it worth that risk? As an Alpha it wasn't just about us. It was about the pack.

As soon as I got back to the house I went to find my mum and he had work to do. She was staying in my old room, and she was happy to see me. As always.

"How was it?"

"What?" I asked confused.

"Dinner?"

"Oh. It was fine."

"I'm so glad you're finally letting him in. I knew it would get better."

"Uh, yeah... Wait, you knew?"

"Of course I did. Anyone could tell by the way he looked at you and talked about you."

"But-I-Ugh! Why is it everyone knows but me? I'm a wolf and I couldn't see it!"

"It's fine Rylee. You're different, but it's okay. He can teach you anything you need to know."

"For what? I just don't get it!"

"Rylee." She said almost pitifully as I was getting frustrated and started pacing. "It's okay." She patted the space beside her.

"I just don't get it. I don't understand what it means. What am I supposed to do? I just don't get it!"

A tear rolled down my cheek as my eyes burned from my frustration, I took a seat next to her on the bed and she wrapped an arm around me like I was still the little girl she first met in England.

"It's okay. You will understand. As your relationship grows and the bond grows it will be easy."

"But, I don't understand. What relationship?"

"With your mate." She said looking a little confused herself and then her eyes widened back into pity again. "Oh Rylee. You don't know what a mates relationship is do you?"

"No! I've been trying to tell everyone but no one will talk to me about it! They're scared I won't stay!"

"Oh my baby girl. It's so special. You'll never find anything like it ever again."

"That doesn't help." I whimpered.

"He's your soul mate baby. Your other half."

"So... Like..."

"I was your fathers mate. It's a romantic relationship Rylee."

My eyes widened and a weight lifted off my chest. It scared me, how could that be so quick before he even met me, but...

My feelings weren't wrong.

They were right.