Ivory - An Eburnean Tommy AU

iv - instability, confusion, and delusions

Taking a breath in, he steps closer, at least Tubbo has calmed albeit slightly, "Yes, I am not him him. But I want you to know that if he's here right now, he'd be worried sick and would tell you to go home right now and give up the search." Ghostboo sternly says, that widens the shorter one's eyes,

"He loves you, Tubbo. Wherever he is, he loves you so much. He was willing to sacrifice his own life to save your son; the son you two raised, and cherished. And the fact that you managed to save that kid, I bet that he's the luckiest man that got hold of your heart." Tubbo shakes his head, covering his face with his knees. He couldn't accept it, but why?

"I want him back.." He rasps, feeling his heart breaking into hundreds of pieces, cracks worsening, "I wish he didn't leave me..I wish he was here..I want him back..He's always there to help me, and comfort me. He understands whatever shit I put him through. He never..left my side..until.."

Tears finally welled up in his eyes. He doesn't understand what his emotions are trying to convey. All he knows is that he's upset at himself and Ghostboo, mourning for his husband's death still, and the endless craving of his return.

He's cold.

He's grieving.

He just want him back.

"I'm so alone.."

He feels a bit warm, it didn't help much, but it was something. Took him a while to realise that it's Ghostboo..hugging him?

He feels transparent, Tubbo doesn't even know where to or which part to hold onto him. Would his arms latch onto him in return or only pass through? He didn't care, he hugged him back, holding his tears. God he doesn't want to look so weak in front of him, but he did anyway.

No matter how much he hated it, this is not Ranboo..he said it himself, he's not him..not anymore at least, "I never left you alone. You just never accepted me."

••●••

It felt like hours, bittersweet hours. The two stayed inside a dark cave, where only a fire burns for their eyes to see. The blizzard doesn't look like it will stop any time soon.

Tubbo remains quiet, he wants to let go, and not let go at the same time. He feels like Ghostboo's only doing this to make him feel better. And well it did kind of help, but it's never the same.

It's never the same,

"Michael.." Tubbo murmurs which makes Ghostboo tilt his head a bit, "Michael..is he okay?" He tries to change the subject, he does want to keep talking about their relationship, but he's not in the right place.

Someday, in a right time, where he finally accepted the things that happened, and the person he is with right now.

"He's alright, Phil's taking care of him well. Techno's sort of annoyed being with a kid in the same house. But as far as I can see, he isn't messing with him. Michael missed you too, he missed you a whole lot, and do you have any idea how hard it is to answer a child's question wondering where his other father is? I may be a ghost, but man, it's complicated."

Those last words sort of stuck inTubbo's head, but he didn't question him. Not now, "But he's good. He's a good kid, Tubbs." That made him smile a bit, at least Michael's around, and alive.

He looks up at Ghostboo and notices a bit of sadness hints in his face. That's rare, seeing an emotion around him other than plain indifference and lackadaisical attitude,

"Are..you okay?" Tubbo asks. Ghostboo only looks at him and smiles,

"Ever felt like you're not good enough? It's a familiar feeling."