Kiss me and I'm yours - A Severus Snape story

Chapter 46: Potter's return

As Severus had assured me weeks ago, he was made Headmaster upon the ministry's orders. We all knew that some corrupt politician became the new Minister for Magic and was ordering as Voldemort probably told him to do so. I was the Deputy Headmistress now and I thank Merlin that I was not present when Minerva had her meltdown about the news. She assured me that she wasn't mad at me for getting the job, she knew I didn't want this, yet she was wondering as to why I was made Deputy Headmistress. I told her that I didn't have a clue and it took her a little while to believe me. She also wanted to know if I am still with Severus, trying to figure out which side I am on. I promised her that I hated Severus for what he did and that being in his presence was the worst, even though I was lying it hurt to say such things because they weren't remotely true. It hurt lying to her, believe me, but I saw no other choice. Severus and I had to do what we thought was right.

Unfortunately, Voldemort sent us two of his loyal death eaters and I can only say that I despise them. Alecto and Amycus Carrow. I might go so far to describe them as evil as Bellatrix. They punished so many students and Severus and I tried so hard to give them "fake tasks". We would let them do their homework or let them clean a classroom for instant. Anything was better than having to serve detention with the Carrows. Poppy was so worked up, she didn't even know what to do anymore because so many students came in everyday with injuries. All the happiness that used to fill the corridors was gone. The students weren't happy, the staff wasn't happy. The only happy souls within the wall seemed to be the Carrows. Our only advantage was that I was allowed to teach the dark Arts again. At least, I was able to teach them proper magic and defend themselves. Of course, Dumbledore's Army was still active, even though Severus and I knew that the meetings were held quite frequently, yet we pretended that no one knew, and we fought hard to keep it that way. Severus and I were so busy trying to save the students that we had absolutely no time for each other. For the first time though, I didn't mind. Obviously, I was missing my intimate moments with him, but we know why we are doing it and for now that is enough. From time to time, there were incidents... well, from time to time, I just couldn't control myself any longer around the Carrows and might have given them what they deserve. Of course, the students clapped for my actions, the Carrows not so much and Severus neither. The Carrows reported to the dark Lord, and I got punished by him. In the end, I didn't care though. No punishment in the world could have made me regret what I did. I will always stand up for my students, even if I will receive severe punishment in the end. It was getting harder and harder having to explain to Voldemort as to why I am protecting these students. I must admit, my explanations pleased him, at least a little. "My lord, the ones that were being punished were first year students. They are only eleven years old. They don't know how the world works yet. On the other hand, if the Carrows continue to punish and curse the students how is your army going to get stronger if their damage is beyond repair?", I could still hear my explanation in my head. He admitted that I was right, and he would order the Carrows to back of a bit. I didn't think that he would be true to his word, so I decided that I can't get into trouble anymore with him or the Carrows. If it'll blow my cover, it isn't going to help anybody.

As I apparated back to Hogwarts, I appeared back in the Headmaster's office. When my vision cleared, I leaned against the wall to catch my breath. Severus wasn't there, because if he could see me now, he would clearly yell at me for being so stupid. Bruises were visible in my face, and I seemed to still be bleeding from the cuts I received on my arms. I also felt a little weak in the knees from the Cruciatus Curse, but it all didn't matter to me anymore. I stopped feeling the pain a long time ago. I was rummaging through a few cabinets, trying to find a few potions that might help me. I was so focused that I didn't hear the door open and close. "What are you doing", and I stopped what I was doing. Severus was standing a few feet behind me, and his voice sounded dangerous. I suspected he already knew why I was looking through his cabinets. "Nothing", I lied through my teeth. "I can tell you're lying. Turn around", he commanded, and I knew I had no choice but to do so. His face was filled with worry and anger. "I can't believe you're still doing this", he hissed. "Well, someone has to protect them", I quietly mumbled even though I was sure he heard it. "That someone doesn't have to be you. You're already doing enough". I could only shrug my shoulders. I knew he wasn't exactly mad at me but at the situation we were in. He was now standing in front of me and in a matter of seconds did he grab the right potions to help with the bruising and the cuts. After I drank all of them, his strong arms pulled me close to him and my arms were snaked around his waist. His head rested on mine. "I know I can't stop you but please see reason with your actions. If they figure out your true allegiance you are done for and I am not sure I can protect you from that without blowing my own cover, which I would certainly do for you, no questions asked, but then we are not able to help anymore that could fire back at us", he tried to reason with me, and I only pulled him closer. "Tears fell silently from my cheeks. I knew he was right, obviously. "It's just so hard pretending", I started to sob. "I am not sure I can go through with it", I admitted. His hand rubbed my back in a soothing manor, and he drew little circles with his index finger. "I know it's hard sweetheart but we are almost at the finish line. You can't give up now".

I knew I couldn't yet, I needed to get my fears out and I needed to confide in him. I stayed with him for a while longer, needing his physical closeness. We just stood there for about 15 minutes. We were just in each other's arms, but it was enough to keep me going for a while. "I love you", I whispered into his ear. "And I love you", he mumbled against my skin before he gently gave me a kiss on the cheek. With those words, I left his office.

Time started to run out. It was already May and how we survived so far, I have no idea. I guess the only thought that kept me strong was the fact that I imagined my life with Severus after all this is over. These thoughts were my only strength to keep going. I can't remember the last time I saw Severus.

Rumors were spreading around Hogwarts like a wildfire. Apparently, Harry Potter had been sighted in Hogsmeade. I was walking through a corridor, trying to find Severus. I was just about to pass when I could swear, I saw a swish of a black cloak and turned back instantly. There he stood, looking down onto the Hogwarts grounds. I slowly walked towards him. "Hey, you", I said quietly. He didn't move. When I stood next to him, I saw the look on his face. Sadness was clearly visible in his black eyes. He was worried, there was no doubt about that. The wind was blowing his hair gently and I just wanted to hug him and never let him go. I gently interlaced my fingers with his. "We're going to be okay", but Severus didn't answer. His mind was racing with a million thoughts and when Kimberly said to him that they were going to be okay, he knew it wasn't the truth, but he didn't have it in his heart to tell her. "If Potter should return to school and if there should be a duel, which is probably going to happen, you cannot, under any circumstances, interfere. Do you understand?", he said with such seriousness, I didn't know how to react at first. "They cannot know, just stay put and don't do anything to defend me, promise me right this second".

I looked into his eyes trying to find something, what I was looking for I had no idea, but I promised him. "Say it", he demanded. "I promise", I answered. He sighed in relief and closed his eyes for a second, then opened them. He squeezed my hand gently, his hand slipped around my waist, and he pulled me close to him. Our foreheads were touching, and we both closed our eyes. "Whatever happens tonight, if anything should happen to either of us", he started but I interrupted him. "Nothing is going to happen to us", I assured him. "Please, don't interrupt me, I need to say this". He took a deep breath. "I wished things would have turned out differently. I wished I could have been the man you wanted me to be, that even I wanted to be myself. Undoubtedly you have made me a better person and without you, I wouldn't be standing here. I thank my lucky stars every single day for bringing you into my life. I know I have been an arse from time to time and don't you dare find an excuse for me because I know it is true, but you have been my rock these past years and I can never tell you or show you how much I love you because every single cell inside my body screams for you and only you. My body is literally burning, aching, for your touch, for your kind words and most importantly for your love. You're a possible candidate for sainthood, my love", he finished, and I had tears in my eyes. His words were so touching, and I just had to kiss him. As soon as my lips touched his, it felt like a new fire erupted inside me, dying to get out. He took two, three more steps and I was pushed against a wall. Both of his hands on my waist now and my hands were entangled in his hair. I couldn't have cared less if he would have taken me right then and there, but... footsteps echoed through the corridors and as soon as we heard them, Severus immediately let go of me. "Snape", someone called. "Where the hell are you", it was clearly Alecto. When she found us, she stopped. "Potter was sighted in Hogsmeade", she grinned evilly. "Round up the students and send them to the Great Hall. Immediately", he said with his coldest voice. She did as he ordered her too and left.

It was true then. I could only hope that he wouldn't come back to Hogwarts. There was no foreseeing what would happen if he should return and knowing Potter, Weasley and Granger quite well, I somehow believed we would see them quite soon.