Kiss me and I'm yours - A Severus Snape story

Chapter 43: The astronomy tower: Part one

During the last few months, none of us knew how to continue or what to do. It was just such an unknown situation. There were frequent order meetings and death eater meetings as well. I was exhausted. Every time I went to the death eater meetings, I felt like Severus was pissed at me. Well, maybe not pissed at me but pissed at himself. I know he still believes that it is somehow his fault that I had to become one, but I don't blame him and I do try to make him see it, even though it has been hard for him to see it in himself. It was my own choice, and I did it to save his life. He was never happy to see me go, for obvious reasons. Sometimes I was tortured for not bringing enough information about Draco's process nor Dumbledore, since it was my task to 'spy' on him and I saw his heart break a little more each time I returned totally weak from being tortured for so long. The dark Lord grew impatient with each passing day. Severus task was it to brew a few potions for him that I was supposed to bring with me. It seemed like I was able to make Voldemort focus more on me than him, which was my goal all along. Severus has gotten even more overprotective of me. Every time that I return from Malfoy Manor, he takes care of me. He gives me potions for my bruises, he cooks for me and makes sure that I am as okay as I can be. To me it seems he has gotten even more overprotective of me, if that is even possible. I can literally feel his blood boil when he realizes what Voldemort did to me. He didn't say anything to me because he didn't want to upset me, but I saw it in his eyes every single time. The blood in his body rushes through his body quicker and a few veins here and there are visible to see. Furthermore, he has been distancing himself more from the teachers, even McGonagall. He explained to me what will happen once Dumbledore is dead. The death eaters will attack the ministry and then Severus will be the Headmaster of this school. Voldemort has been ordering him to this since Voldemort came up with that plan. He then would send two death eaters to the school as well to "help" Severus get the students under control if necessary. Fortunately, I already know which two death eaters it will be, unfortunately it will not be pleasant for the student body. I heard the Carrow siblings will be sent to the school and when Severus will be made Headmaster, I will be the Deputy Headmistress.

Severus doesn't want to make it harder than it must be, which I somehow can understand. The school seemed darker, and even the students seemed to realize now that something changed, at least most of the student body. There were still a few here and there that didn't believe in what was about to come. The teachers seemed unfocused as well. It was hard for them, trying to teach their subjects when they knew they might not even be alive soon. I saw less smiles on the students face and most of them seemed extremely worried. Things that used to be important, just didn't anymore. I love being a teacher but knowing that death eaters are out to get us, doesn't make it easier. In the last few months, people have gone missing, and the numbers are through the roof. Every day the "Daily Prophet" is reporting more missing witches and wizards.

Now we were well into June and Severus grew more anxious each day that passed. It was already late and I was waiting for Severus to return to his chambers. I was sitting on the couch reading a book. I was trying to focus on its content, at least that was what I was telling myself. Truth be told, I was getting more anxious as well. I was thinking about the day Severus would have to kill Dumbledore. I don't want this for Severus. It'll destroy his soul even more and I cannot let that happen. There must be a way to protect him somehow. Because I wasn't able to focus something else, I decided to visit Dumbledore. I need to speak to him about this.

As I was making my way through the corridors, I noticed that they were completely empty. I know it is late, but I at least used to catch some students sneaking around, but now I didn't see anybody. I guess they all want to spend some time with their friends and loved ones while they can. It didn't take me long to get to Dumbledore's office. I mumbled the password and the gargoyle moved and led me up the stairs. I gently knocked at the door and opened it. Dumbledore still sat behind his desk, despite it being late. "Good evening Albus, I am sorry to disturb you at this time of night but there is something I need to discuss with you", I said. He nodded with his head, and I continued. "I am just gonna straight ahead and say it, if that's alright with you" and I waited for a second for him but he just sat there staring at me, so I continued. "I am worried what will happen to Severus once he killed you. I don't want him to break down or feel guilty about killing you since you requested it yourself. I fear he is going to loose himself again. I don't want him to live in pity. I know he will feel guilty but I want to take some of the pressure off of him, I just don't know how", I pleaded.

I could swear I saw a small smile on his lips. "The way you care about Severus, I have never seen anything like it. But to answer your question, there is a way to help him. A shall we say technique exists, that is rather difficult to perform. While Severus is producing the killing curse, it is said that each killing destroys the soul a little more. But there is a way to let's say transport the killing to another person. It is truly difficult, so listen carefully. You can transport the negative energy to your body by touching his shoulder. You must focus on that energy and on how you want it to stay inside your body. You cannot allow it to fall back because the Severus will be affected by it. It takes great concentration to pull through with something like this. There is no guarantee that it'll work but maybe a powerful witch such as yourself might be able to manage. Do you understand?", he asked me, and I needed a second to process all this information. I nodded my head slowly. It seemed extremely difficult, and I somehow feared I would not be able to perform it well, but I guess I will find out when it comes to it. I just wish that I knew when all this was going to happen and when it was going to happen exactly. I felt extremely unprepared and that is something I am definitely not used to because I am always prepared for almost everything.

My head was filled with information when I returned to Severus's chambers. He was sitting on the couch and was apparently reading a book. He looked up when I entered and seemed relieved that I have returned. He motioned for me to sit down next to him on the couch and that is exactly what I did. Only moments later were we cuddled up under the blanket, only the both of us. The only thing that bothered me was the unbearable silence. Usually, our school days are filled with noise and laughter, but now, the students did not seem to enjoy their school days anymore. There was more silence, which caused me to not enjoy the silence so much anymore. I soon realized that Severus dozed off and a quiet snoring escaped his mouth from time to time. I couldn't help but smile at this. I was trying to memorize all his feature. These moments were extremely rare these days and I had no idea when these moments would return, so all I could do was enjoy them.