For Marli

XXXII

Keith Pov

I was scared to ask at a time like this, but I still needed answers. We were getting better with the healing process. It's gotten way better, but yet it was still a touchy subject.

" Are we gonna try again on another baby." I asked as I watched her color with Marli as Roe slept in her lap.

Milani stopped in her tracks, almost as if she was triggered.

"Marli is all we need. Let's focus on her. She's still a baby." She replied continuing color.

"I no baby."

"What happened to the gap we liked?"

"Keith let's focus on Marli right now. Let's get her to kindergarten first. She's not even 3 yet. Things happen for a reason. Let's focus on what's in front of us."

"I 3 Apill" Marli said. She'd be 3 in April and April was very much two months away.

" Well ok we can wait, but in general will we work on another baby whenever time is right ?"

"I think maybe one child is good for us." Milani said, not taking her eyes off her drawing.

" What about our dreams for our family? Marli having a sibling to grow up with? Family of four?"

"Maybe it wasn't meant to be Keith."

"What about me? I want another kid. I want us to keep trying."

"You might want to try with another woman then." She said. Milani was back to her nonchalant ways.

"Alright Milani." I said before walking away. I went into our room and just laid there watching tv.  I was hurt, but I just had to adapt, she wanted to have one child and that's what it gonna have to be.

Sometimes I just look over at the ultrasound pictures of my son. I was really gonna have a son. It was crushing to daydream about the things I wanted to do with my son and knowing it won't happen anymore.

It's saddening to walk past his room and see it completely empty. It felt like Milani wanted to erase  him happening. But people heal different.

Once I got out my feelings, I went back to spend time with my family. I noticed in myself, with this whole miscarriage, I haven't been focusing on Marli. We just been sending her off to stay with people.

I went back in the living room with them they were watching princess and the frog. Milani was on her phone , but Marli was focused on her movie.
I sat next to Milani and she rested her head on my shoulder and put her phone down.

Marli got up , came to me, and climbed in my lap. These were my girls and I'm grateful for them.

Watching the movie reminded me of the times Marli was a baby and to stop her from crying we'd put this movie on and she was satisfied every time.

I kissed her forehead and watched the movie with her. By the time we put another movie on, she was sleep. Leaving Milani and I up.

Milani broke the silence, " Baby I'm just scared. I don't know what I did wrong or what was wrong with my body. I don't want it to happen again."

"Baby I don't want it to happen again." She started crying and it broke my heart." I don't want it to happen again." She repeated as she cried. I grabbed her into a side hug and kissed on her forehead.

"It's ok baby. We don't have to have another baby. I understand your feelings baby. You have valid reason to feel how you feel. I'm happy with you and Marli baby. I love you. There's nothing wrong with you baby." I said kissing on her.

I should've known she was scared she couldn't have kids anymore or the fear of it happening again.