chris has been good so far, he's taken lily to school and dance and picked her up. he's cooked breakfast for us everyday and it's only the first week. i really don't want him to do all of this to prove anything to me, i want him to do this for him and so he's better for lily.
yes he needs to be here for me but she needs him more. i understand i'm pregnant but that's a child that only has one parent and has had only one parent since she was born. if that one parent can't even show her that he loves her then what? honestly i can only do so much, i will give lily all the love i have and more but it doesn't compare to the love she should've gotten from her mother.
that will always be a broken part of lily and i want to be able to fix it as best as i can. i will love lily like she's my own cause at this point she is, i really can't express how happy i am that he got away from her while lily was young. because if she was older then i don't think there would be anyway to fix that broken side of her. i've said it many times before and i'll keep saying it, even if chris and i don't work out i'm not leaving lily. she doesn't deserve that ever and it's just not in me to leave her or him for that matter but you know, if need be.
right now he should be on his way back from dropping her off at school. i haven't been to the studio in a minute so i'll go up there today. i heard the front door close and him coming up the stairs "hey" "hey, you good? need anything?" "i'm fine chris, do you need anything?" "for you to stop being mad at me" i let out a sigh "nobody is mad at you chris. i just want you to understand that you can't get in your little moods when you still have a child to raise. now that's not me trying to invalidate your feelings but it's like if you get in your moods then lily is gonna be in hers and won't even know why. you can get in your moods but do it around me not her."
"wouldn't that put stress on you though" "no. if you talk to me like the grown ass man you are, stress isn't a factor" "ok" "so i'm not mad at you i just know you can do better and you're not which makes me upset. but this past week you've been doing good and you don't have to cook everyday i still can cook" "i know i just think you should rest" "i'm only 3 months pregnant chris. i can still move around" "i know but you don't have to"
"i'll be fine cause i'm gonna have to when you go backing the office" "what if i don't go back until you have the baby?" "no cause i want you here when they get here so you have to go back" "oh" "like at least the first month they're here. i mean i'd be fine but you know" "it's nice to have somebody with you" "yea" "it's also your first baby" "i'm nervous about that. like i know i helped my siblings and all but i just think it's different having your own child"
"yea it is but i know you got it and you're not alone" "i know. i just really have a fear of feeling alone, like i may not be alone but if i feel alone that's much worse" "i'll do better to be here and make sure you feel i'm here" "that's all i ask" "ok" "alright i'm hungry" "what you want" "some chocolate pickles" "tina what?" "some chocolate pickles" "that sounds nasty" "and sex is nasty. get me chocolate pickles" "i- ok" i got outta the bed and got in the shower to put some clothes on.
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the bump came outta no where honestly.when i was ready we went to the store, we found some pickles and chocolate syrup. we got some more things for the house but those were the main things. when we paid we went home and put everything up, i went to sit on the couch with my pickles and chocolate and started eating "tina that looks gross" "yo toes look gross" "they don't" yea they actually don't he has pretty feet for a man "yes they do." "ok" and he sat down next to me and was just staring at me with a look on his face that "ima go into the studio today" "ok" "stop lookin at me like that bro" "i can make you some real food baby"
"this is enough food for me" "no. that is some fucked up shit" "you be pregnant then bitch" "athena." "what." he glared at me so i did it right back and flinched at him "get outta my face christian" i said rolling my eyes "what do you wanna eat tonight" "shrimp tacos" "anything else" "no"
we spent today in the house until it was time to go get lily. i rode with him to get her because then he was going to the studio "tina!" "hi baby" i said smiling and turning around to look at her "the baby is showing" her eyes got big "yes they are" we talked about all of our days until we got to the studio "oh shit you pregnant forreal" gina said as i walked in "girl goodbye. why you ain't in there with them" "they're stretching"
i told lily to hurry and get in there with them "hey chris" "hey gina" he said and he walked to the back going into my office i'm guessing. "so?" "he's been good, i just hope he keeps it up" "he will" "ok they should be done stretching" we both took our shoes off and went in "MS.TINAAAA" they all let out excitedly and came to hug me "guys be careful" gina warned them. i hugged them back and they went to go get back in their spot. i just watched gina teach the class and everything then came the next class and the next. they all were excited about me having a baby.
"ms.tina can i talk to you?" one of my high school students asked "yea of course" and i brought us back to my office "chris could you get out." "so rude" he said rolling his eyes and leaving, she laughed "wassup?" "i um- i'm-" "breathe" and she took a deep breath "i'm pregnant" and she started crying. i couldn't do anything but hug her and sit her down on the couch.
"aw baby" "i have my audition coming up and now i'm pregnant" "do you wanna keep it?" "when he wants to be" "if you really want to. keep the baby but you have to understand you'll have responsibilities and have to put dance off for a minute. or you don't have to keep it and wait until you're ready" she didn't say anything for a minute.
"i wanna get it aborted" "and that's ok" i said bringing her closer to me "would you like me to take you?" "yes" "when" "after school friday" "ok" "could you not tell my mom?" "of course. this stays between us" "thank you" "no problem" we hugged again and she fixed herself and we left out.
𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔
hey loves, so i have two books that im writing. one is a black girl black boy book and i'm sure about publishing that one and the other is a stiles stilinski fan fic n im not so sure abt publishing that one. so i'm gonna put the first chapter of the fan fic and then a random chapter of the bwbm one. and tell me if you'd read either of them so i can know.
