"i'm not here for you we have to talk to lily" i explained walking in the house "about what" "you'll see" we went up to lily's room and sat on the bed. "ok lily you know what we talked about earlier" "yes" "tell your daddy" "will he get mad" "why would i get mad" he looked at me and back at her, she shrugged her shoulders.
"mommy use to hit me" i looked over at him. he's mad. "SHE WHAT" "see he's mad" "no lily. he's not mad at you, he's mad at your mommy" "you sure" "yes" chris picked lily up and sat him on his lap and craddled her "i'm sorry lily" "why" "that she did that to you" "it's ok daddy" "it's not baby. can you tell me why she did"
"i don't know. when you'd leave she would sometimes hit me and i didn't do anything" "did it happen a lot" "yes" "why'd you never tell me" "she told me not to or i'd be in bigger trouble" "lily i don't care what anyone says to you. you come to me ok?" "ok" he kissed her forehead "i love you ok" "i love you too daddy" she hugged him, i think she was crying. he was too.
i got up and left and went and sat in his room. after a while he came in there and slammed the door "SHE HIT HER" "i know chris calm down" i said getting off the bed "I CAN'T SHE PUT HER HANDS ON HER FOR WHAT" "i don't know chris but you have to calm down" "LILY DOES NOTHING AND SHE FUCKING HIT HER. MULTIPLE TIMES" "it's wrong. she shouldn't have put her hands on her"
i said finally getting him to sit on the bed "but you have to calm down. i know you're upset right now but you doing this isn't gonna help lily." he took a deep breathe "i'm sorry" "i know. but we'll talk about us later" "no can we talk now" "not right now" "then when athena" "i don't know" "that doesn't work for me." "i don't know what to tell you"
"just sit down so we can talk" for it to work i can't be stubborn. i told myself over and over again so i sat down. "i don't know why i said it tina. i don't feel that way" "got to" "but i don't" "inna way you have to. i know i'm not her mother. i'm very aware of that, but for it to be said to me like i haven't been around like a mother hurts christian. i don't think you understand that"
"i do. i was mad at the moment" "at a fucking 6 year old eating in her room. christian that's fucking dumb" "i know and i apologized to lily. i've been stressed lately, i know i shouldn't take that out on lily or you but i have. i am sorry i said that to you because you have been more of a mother to her then allison ever was" "ok" "athena what is 'ok'" "ok. what else you want me to say"
"that you forgive me or something" "my feelings are still hurt. thank you for explaining to me and apologizing, but right now i don't forgive you. and if you need to take a break please do or you'll hurt yourself and lily more than you think you would. if i need to take her for you to recollect yourself i'll do so" then i left.
it's now christmas eve and i haven't talked to chris but i've been talking to lily. but, now we're gonna be over my moms house and i don't want anyone questioning why my boyfriend and i aren't talking. "you hurt my feelings but i forgive you. if you don't want lily to follow certain instructions i give. fine. but don't yell at me that she's not my child." "like i said i've been stressed. i would never usually yell at her for something like that and i wouldn't yell at you like that for no reason either. she of course can listen to you"
"ok. now get dressed" "i gotta wear pajamas" "yes" "ughhh"
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lily and i got the onesies and he got the pants to match and a white shirt. "fittin mighty good" he said coming up behind me while i was brushing my teeth, i looked up at him through the mirror and he was bitting his lip looking at my ass. he made my hair into a makeshift ponytail and started "fucking" me.
i put one of my hands back and swatted him away. i finished brushing my teeth and stood up "you play too much" i went in lily's room and she was on the phone "ok, bye" "who was that" "dylan" "oooo what was y'all talkin about" "he just told me marry christmas eve and i said it back. then he showed me his pjs and they had christmas cars on them and i showed him mine and he called me pretty"
"awwwww" "is it time to go?" "yea, put your coat on" i left out her room and went back in his "why are you smiling" he asked me "i can't smile now" "you can. but why" "because i can" "ok but why" "put your coat on chris" "whatever" we made it to my moms house early because she wanted me to help set up.
"hi chris" "hey ms.ruth" the hugged "how you gon speak to him before me" "anyways. hey lily" "hiiii" then she tried to come hug me "naw. don't try to talk to me now" "get popped athena" i gave her a hug and then went to the back where yaz and josh were "lilyyyyy" josh said as she ran over to him and hugged him. so don't nobody see me no more.
"hi joshy" so i left that and went back in the front and chris was helping my mom cook. "welp. i clearly serve no purpose here. ima see y'all later" "where you goin" they asked me at the same time turning around "to my nigga house" he looked at me like he wanted to kill me "oooooo" my momma said lowly.
i left the kitchen and was about to walk out the door but he came up behind me and grabbed my waist then brought me closer to him "go sit the fuck down" he said in my ear. gon make me have a wet spot in my pajamas. i turned the tv on and sat down. after about an hour or two people started showing up.
"chris come here real quick please" and i took him in the bathroom "wassup" "ok so, yes you are my first boyfriend and the first person i like forreal but most of my family doesn't know that" "ok?" "it was this boy that was my bestfriend that i brought around a lot and they thought we'd end up together and don't know we stopped talking" "alright"
"just thought you should know because they asses and will bring it up" "as long as he doesn't show up i'm fine" knowin him he might.
