AGLOW [L.T]

69

LOUIS POV:

She finally fell asleep on the sofa. She fought it so hard, trying to stay awake and keep her eyes open but they slowly fell shut from all the crying and the screaming. I helped her burn the letter even though I wanted her to keep it. I wanted her to keep reading it because it's right there. Her mother wrote it in there and Avery can't see it. I already feel bad about the argument we had, I feel guilty for pushing her to tell me but I need to know what Harvey does to her and if there's any risk that he will be the one to tell her.

Her mother is right, her dad should be the one to tell her, but I can't wait forever because I am afraid that it will be forever until he tells her. I know something about her life that she doesn't and I can't let her find out that I've known all along. I can't be the one to tell her but if she finds out that I've known all this time she would never be able to forgive me, ever. The thought scares me.

Harvey has all information on her, he had her mother's suicide letters after all these years. He has so much on her none of us can begin to even think about the things that he could use against us. There is no way he doesn't know about this.

I hold the file in my hands, her name written on it and everything she will never know is in it. I've hidden all the boxes filled with other files in Harry's room, but I kept this one under all of my clothes in the dressing of the suitcase so that she, or anyone else, wouldn't find it. If she found this and figured out that I've had it all this time I'm pretty sure I would never see her again.

It must cease to exist.

Avery is still sleeping on the sofa, she seems to be in deep sleep but I don't know for how long she will be. She's already been sleeping for an hour but who knows if she's going to wake up while I'm away. I could ask Harry to come over while I go, but I think he would have more questions than me, so I can't really. I don't want to ask Zayn to risk anything by being around us more than he has to so I'll just have to hurry up.

I put my jacket on and hide the file on the inside of it to make sure that no one sees it as I walk. I sneak over to Avery on the sofa, gently kissing her forehead before sneaking out of the room. In the lift I get the big clench in my stomach that tells me that this is wrong, I really shouldn't do this, it's selfish and it will come back to bite me in the ass. But right now the only thing that matters is that she never finds out that I knew about it for this long and I've never told her.

I'm breathing heavy as I am tilting back and forth on my feet, so scared that I am making a horrible decision, but there is nothing I can do. I can't hide it anywhere else because no one else knows about it and I don't trust anyone to not read it and find out too, I can't let more people know when she doesn't even know. She doesn't even know there is something she has to know. I have to get rid of it for it to not be found.

Last night when we were sitting at the beach I tried to tell her but my mind couldn't formulate the sentences to even begin to tell her. She was so beautiful and she seemed to look at me with such happiness I couldn't bear ruining it along with so much more. She deserves so much more than to live in this lie her dad has told her. He is such an asshole I can't imagine hating anyone more right now, because how could you set someone so amazing up for such horrible circumstances to live her life around. She said she hates him but no one will hate him more than me up until the day she finds out, if she ever does.

She said she hates him and more than once she's been telling me how I'm like him. She's told me that she doesn't hate me but how could you even tolerate a person like her father? At least I know I could never do something to a person that he has done to her and I will forever hate him for that.

The air outside is colder than before and the sun has set, it's in the middle of the night. We're leaving this city in four hours and I have never been happier to leave a place despite the happy memories we made here. We made some good memories but kept ruining them with stupid fights and unnecessary lies.