i only want you

denial

Brittany POV 

She kissed me, she actually kissed me, she wanted to kiss me. Its like everything I wanted from her this year and it finally happened, it was even more perfect than I could ever imagine. She was more perfect than I could've thought. But something still felt missing, like I wanted more and more of her. 

I looked over to my side and saw her peering lazily out of the window of the car. She never was a morning person. Her cheeks gained a faint pink tint on them and I knew she caught me looking. I fixed my gaze back onto the road, hands firmly planted on the steering wheel, it is definitely not where they want to be right now. From the corner of my eye I can see her looking over at me, her eyes rake up and down my body taking in my cheerios uniform. I smirked and suddenly she thought the view of the mundane lifeless streets to be the most interesting thing. She looks lost in thought and I wonder if she regrets all that's happened. 

After a quiet car ride we pull into the school, just as I go to step out of the car I feel a cold hand grab mine and interlace our fingers together pulling me into the car once again. Santana didn't dare to look into my eyes, she seemed so vulnerable, it was unlike her. 

"um thanks, you know for staying over with me last night." She said sheepishly. 

Even though I thought nothing in this world would change our friendship, something has definitely changed. 

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"As you ladies know cheer camp is next on Saturday, by all means don't think this is a relaxing camp, this is still cheer for gods sake I want to see blood sweat and tears you hear me?" 

"Damn what's up hers today?" Santana whispers into my ear. 

"And you will all be sleeping in tents, 2 in each no exceptions, since im so generous however I will be allowing you to decide who you will be bunking with... no funny business clear?" 

Santana's gaze is fixed straight forward like she's staring into space. 

I nudge her shoulder, "Hey so wanna be bunk buddies for the camp?" I ask. We are best friends I obviously know we are bunking together but I had to ask just in case. 

She didn't answer right away, still staring off into the distance. The silence was actually making me nervous, why was she thinking about it?! 

"I have to go." She finally spoke grabbing her bag and rushing out the gym doors. 

"WAIT hey wait san!" I scream running behind her. The final bell had rung so it was just us left alone in the hallways. I could see her sprinting towards outside. 

"SANTANA WHERE ARE YOU GOING COME BACK!..." but she was too far gone to hear, "Im sorry... I didn't mean to scare you." I said under my breathe hoping she would hear, but I knew I was just speaking to the empty halls. Alone again. 

Santana POV 

SLEEPING IN ONE TENT TOGETHER!!! why did coach have to do that to me?! it could have been anything else it just had to be two people, and of course Brittany had to ask me, we are best friends after all. But after what had happened last night and this morning, both initiated by me everything is changing, I don't want it to change. It can't. I don't know who I am anymore. I felt my knees crumble underneath me as my body met with the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. 

I heard faint footsteps getting louder and louder as the seconds went on "Santana?" I could recognise that voice anywhere. 

"Hey hey its okay you can talk to me, come here." She said sitting me down and wiping the tears from my cheeks. She was looking at be intently with the biggest concern written on her face. What did I do to deserve her? She's so perfect and im, well im just a mess and a total bitch to everyone, except her maybe. 

"Want to talk about it?" 

I shook my head. 

"Do you want to come to mine?" 

I couldn't bring myself to answer her. All I wanted to say was yes, yes a million times yes. But the other part of me was so scared to want that, to give into that side... so I just said "no thanks, its okay britt thank you but I think I should be alone tonight." 

"Okay well let me at least drop you off home, I want you to be safe." She said it more like a statement more than a question so I hauled myself up and walked by her side to her car. 

The air was filled with silence the whole drive home, until we finally arrived home. 

"Well thank you, ill um see you tomorrow?" I said giving her a soft smile.

"Uh yeah of course, let me know if you need a lift for tomorrow. Text me if you need me." She said. It almost looked as thought she was about to grab my hand but stopped herself right at the last second. 

"O-Okay yeah bye!" I said rushing to my door. 

Brittany POV 

"... bye." I fucked it all up didn't I?