Seeing Double (Park Jinyoung FF)

CHAPTER 7 - SHARING SORROW

JINYOUNG

I heard the door being opened. I saw the clock, 10 PM. It must be Seonyoung. She came in and confused when she found that there was no butler. She decided to just put her phone at a coffee table near the entrance. My manager has gone home already as well, so she was surprised when she saw me on the sofa.

"Gee, can't you at least say something? I thought no one was home," she grunted while clutching her chest.

"This is my house, where do you think I'll be?"

"I don't know, clubbing? Shooting?" I guessed she still thought of me as a partygoers. No surprise there since couple days ago I went home drunk and she saw me. She was about to help me when I shrugged her off. Then the other day, I saw her and teased her again. I told her that she was really care for her source of money. She seemed offended, because I knew she just did her job, but I was pissed that she cared for that person. She never stayed longer to talk to me. But it wasn't her fault completely. I was being rude to her mostly. Who would want to accompany a rude person? Anyway, since I didn't reply, she went on to the room and did her job. Suddenly I felt upset and decided to drink.

"I've finished checking him, do you still need me around?" she surprised me by stopping to ask me. I thought she wouldn't care to talk to me.

"Care for a drink?" I offered her, showing her a glass of liquor on my hand, wishing hard that she would stay.

"No. I still need to get back home safely," she replied but still stood there. After a few seconds of silence, she walked back toward me and sat down across of me. "I think you'd need a company," she said quietly and just sat there.

SEONYOUNG

The other day when I got to his house, he was there, surprising me with breakfast. I was surprised though seeing him being nice. But then again, he was right. In front of the public, he was a nice and polite guy. He was nice to everyone. If I ever told anyone that he was a rude jerk, then they might think I was the crazy one and not the other way around. He was a bit weird though. He was asking me about my new job. As if he was testing my reaction. But I bet since everyone kept it as a secret so hard, then I shouldn't think much about it and just did my job. Whatever the reason they kept it hidden, or anything else, was not my problem. All they needed me to do was to do my job.

But our other encounters were sucks. He went back to his jerk mode. Sometimes he would showed up drunk. I tried to help him but he shrugged me off the other day. Then when he wasn't drunk, he would tease me for tending my patient. He accused me for doing it solely for money. He knew for sure even though it didn't involved a lot of money, I still cared for my patient. I tightened my fist and tried hard not to punch him in the face when he said that. If only the public knew that he was such a jerk who only pretended to be nice.

However, tonight was different. Tonight I was just finished my afternoon shift. When I got into his house, there was no butler. I decided to just put my phone on the coffee table near the entrance. So, the butler wasn't here 24/7, I thought. He surprised the crap out of me when I saw him sitting on the sofa, all alone, in the dark living room.

"Gee, can't you at least say something? I thought no one was home," I grunted.

"This is my house, where do you think I'll be?" he replied in the same grumpy tone.

"I don't know, clubbing? Shooting?" I shrugged. I went on to the room since he didn't reply. I checked the patient's status for today, and he was pretty stable. He's been off the ventilator, but still needed oxygen support. He's been doing physiotherapy so he could sit up, but he was still weak. NGT was off already, but he still needed to eat soft mushy food for now. He might need extra nutrition now that the physiotherapist decided to train him harder. He needed the extra calories. I looked at his wasted muscle. He must've had a good body back then, but now all the muscles were gone. So far his condition was pretty good, no fever, no shortness of breath, urine output was balanced with the input. I've reduced the IV amount since he was learning to take water and food per mouth. After I finished checking the patient and wrote down my next plan for tomorrow, I went out and found him moving to the dining room but still looking alone and sad.

"I've finished checking him, do you still need me around?" I asked him.

"Care for a drink?" he offered me, showing me a glass of liquor on his hand.

"No. I still need to get back home safely," I replied but something on his face made me stood still. I sighed and then I walked back toward him and sat down across of him. "I think you'd need a company," I said quietly and just sat there. He didn't talk at first, just gulping the liquor down his throat. I poured a glass after another for him.

"Come on now, you've drunk enough," I stopped him after awhile. His manager might scold me tomorrow if he found him hangover in the morning.

"You know, after awhile, all this drink doesn't help me anymore. No more numbness," he said with a sad face. He extended his arm and put the glass in front of me, "One more," he asked.

I poured him another glass, "This is the last one," I warned him. He nodded. "Why do you need to drink so much anyway?" I asked.

"You know, it's hard to keep pretending. My life is not my life, it's all an act 24/7. I even don't know myself anymore," and after saying that, he finished his last glass and stood up wobbly. I hurriedly walked to his side and helped him stand up.

"Where's your room?" He pointed another close door, away from the first room. I put his arm over my shoulder and put my hand on his waist to help supporting him. He was really heavy. I could feel he was all muscles. I dropped him on his bed when we finally managed to reach his room. Luckily he has changed his clothes so I just covered him with blanket and turned his lights off before leaving. For the first time since I met him, I felt sorry for him. And what did he mean by saying his life isn't his? That he's been acting 24/7?

JINYOUNG

I didn't know what was going on with me. I've been good at handling my emotion. But since I met her, somehow I went back to my first time when I found out the whole sickening truth of my life. Seeing her so calm after finding out my secret, made me lower my guard. Somehow she understood my position and that made me wanted to share more with her. But I shouldn't. So I turned to my old buddies again, the alcohol. But again, I had high tolerance, and it didn't help much. I still felt the pain. I still felt the sorrow. She accompanied me without asking or saying anything. She just poured me glass after glass, as if she understood that I need this. I needed something to dull the pain. But she stopped me after she saw me drunk already. She helped me walked back to my room and left me in the dark after. Without realizing, tears started to flow out from my eyes.