Chapter sixty eight

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Rhislett's POV

I woke up excited for the day. I mean it's my big day. A day for me to spend with the people that love me. I checked my phone but there was no new messages from Scarlett. I just shrugged it off because she should be on her slight soon. I replied to a lot of messages of good luck from my family. I also posted on my insta story in bed. I wrote " this is how we start the big day" and I posted it. I got out of bed and ran straight into my dads room. I wanted to check if he was awake. I didn't know why but he seemed a little off. We went down to eat breakfast and by that I meant my chocolate muffin. I was sat with Isaac and Peter and Harry was there too. We were talking with aunt Maria and aunt Cassie about today. " we're so proud of you guys and we can't wait to watch you. Look at you all so grown up" and we all have smiles. I knew something wasn't right with my dad he was being more quite. I heard the door so I got up and I saw my team along with Robbie and Lizzie. They hugged me and I told Lizzie that dad was in the kitchen. " come on guys I'll show you my room" and I took Charlotte Alex and Antonio upstairs. They had loads of things that they were carrying so I helped. While they were setting up I went into Harry's room. " have you heard from mum?" I asked him and he shook his head. Now I was getting a little worried. She'll be here. I can't doubt her. I asked her to be here this is important to me she knows that. I mean how could she not. " don't worry frogger just enjoy you're day" and I smiled because he was right. I wanted to enjoy my day. I don't wanna look back and think I wasted my day worried for no reason. I went back into my room to change and I was just watching videos on my phone and talking with my team. I felt like something was missing but I pushed that feeling down. Antonio helped me into my dress as much as I loved it it was going to be a pain to put on.

( yes you're gonna see the dresses a lot)

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( yes you're gonna see the dresses a lot)

We agreed on a burgundy lip and the rest natural because I never worse make up so we didn't wanna over do it. Dad came in and he had a face of awe. I couldn't help but smile because that made me happy. I was dreading wearing heels. I don't wear them an I can barely walk normally. Never mind heels.

I was getting more and more nervous because now it was real. Now I was facing the fact that I was gonna be performing infront of thousands of people. Yeh not scary at all. Lizzie came up to me as i was trying to put my necklace on. She helped me and the smiled " you've become such a beautiful young lady" and I smiled. This is what A mother does. Well she is my god mother. Beggars can't be choosers especially when it's with love. I wanted to ask where Scarlett was but I was scared for the answer. The closer we got to the show the more hope I was losing. Anytime my door opens I look expecting her but it's never her.we got into the car with the help of Antonio who was making sure nothing happened to my dress.he helped me put my heels on because I could barely bend in this dress. And when I got out I saw so many cameras. Okay Rhislett breathe please just breathe. And I felt Chris take my hand which definitely calmed me down a lot. I wanna enjoy this experience so I put aside all these negative thoughts and just smiled for the cameras. It was a bit overwhelming because they were all just yelling at me. I mean it's there job I understand that but you don't have to yell at me. Yelling makes me want to either curl into a ball and cry or yell back some very offensive things. I can't do neither so I'm just trying to drown them out. My brains in overthinking mode. But I'm just overthinking everything at once that even then it feels like I'm not. As soon as we got of the carpet I knew the hard truth. But no one was talking about it so I held hope. She won't let me down. She can't let me down. I felt a panic attack coming on. There were thousands of people out there what if they boo me. Omg what if all anyone does is make fun of me. What if I'm that bad. What if no one likes me. I felt overwhelmed but I was in a room with strangers and my team getting ready for my performance. I really need my mum right now. I got changed into my outfit and as I was walking out I saw my dad stood there trying to say something. I knew what it was. " she's not coming is she?" And I felt tears brim my eyes. I couldn't hold it back anymore. " I'm so sorry bubs" and I felt a tear escapes I turned around and locked myself in the bathroom. I just sobbed. Why could she not be here. Why does she not want me. Why can't she love me like she loves the others. Why? I heard the handle Turn and at this point I couldn't even look up. I was struggling to breathe. I felt someone pull me into there lap and I just sobbed. " it's okay little one don't let this ruin you're big day" and I pulled back she had her own tears now. " why can't she love me Lizzie?" And Lizzie just pulled me closer to her. " don't think about that right now. Think about all that you've accomplished. You gotta be out there in half an hour. You can't be in here and cry" and I nodded she was right. I don't know why I am upset. It's not like she was ever there. I wiped my face and got up. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this despite her. Like everything else I've ever done. I'm doing this without her.

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