The Puppet Assassin [TTR sequel]

The Puppet Assassin - Ch 32 [win some, lose some]

This kiss was pure comfort. There was no urgency, no rush, he seemed to want to draw it out and I did not care one iota. One of his hands moved up and down my back in slow circles and the other weaved through my hair. I tried to create the same sensations in him as he did to me with his touch by running one hand over his chest in between us and slipping my other around his neck to pull myself closer to him. He responded with another tug on my lower back and by using his teeth on my lips. I felt deliriously happy and somehow, deep down, frustrated at the same time. I was comfy warm and also burning, satisfied but needing more. So much more.

He lifted his head back but I wasn’t ready to let him go. I couldn’t reach his mouth so I ran my lips down his neck, thrilled by the pounding pulse at his jugular and reached his collarbone before I felt his entire body stiffen and his hands shoved me away rather than holding me close. I found it difficult to breathe as my adjusted eyes took in his longing expression and tightly pressed mouth. His arms were outstretched to hold me as far from him as possible and yet he didn’t relinquish my arms, gripping them tight enough to tell me he didn’t want to let go. He breathed deeply and his fingers squeezed.

“You’re not ready for me yet,” he said, his voice breaking slightly as he spoke.

“But I…” I didn’t get to finish my argument as he narrowed his eyes and gave me a stern look.

“This isn’t a casual thing, Dizelde,” he said, his voice low and warm. “I want you, that is obvious, and I could take you, you are obviously willing, but I want more than willing. This is your innocence I’ll be taking. I don’t want to simply satisfy your lust, or my own. I want you to know me, I want you to accept me. I don’t want to give you something that any man could give you, I want to make your first time imprinted in your mind for all time. I want your first time to be with me because you need it to be with me. Dizelde…”

He ran his hand through his hair and looked discouraged. Then his expression firmed.

“I want you to be mine and mine alone the way I want to be yours and yours alone. What I’m trying to say is that I want you to love me before we… before we make love. And I know that now, tonight, you want me, you have feelings for me, you trust me but… well, you haven’t made the final step.” He chuckled and moved his hand up to cup my cheek. “Don’t you worry though, puppet, I’ll be stubbornly persistent and there will be a time, most likely soon, where I will have you, all of you.”

His voice had lowered but I didn’t have to strain to hear him, besides, he got the message across with the determined look in his fixed gaze. He was convinced that I would love him, and I was falling fast enough to believe him. I couldn’t find words to say to him but he didn’t expect any. He let me go and rolled over onto his back, closing his eyes. How could he sleep after that? I shifted closer to him, noticing that his jaw tightened as I got near. I smiled, still quite pleased about his reaction to me, and took his hand, pulling it towards me until it was at my stomach. I kept my hold on it and rested my head on the pillow facing him, closing my eyes. He was close enough that his body heat warmed me to a comfortable toasty and I kept his hand in mine to ensure that he stayed that close. He squeezed my hand and then let it rest loosely in mine.

“Goodnight, Dizelde,” he said huskily.

I smiled and felt so safe and calm that I almost pinched myself. “Goodnight.”

Sleep took me peacefully away from reality and tossed me into my darkest nightmare, a mixture of my past and present.

Father stopped bringing food. He said I had to cut to eat. And then he’d point to the shivering body in the corner.

I did what he said. I made them hurt. The man, the woman, the boy, the girl. I made them scream, piercing cries. I made them sob. I made them shudder. I made them say things, horrible things and I felt what they felt. Through the sounds they made, I felt their hurt too. It made my insides twist, my heart burn and my brain squeeze. Little pins jabbed at me with every breath.

And then he gave me food and I didn’t throw it up. I ate it and I felt better. And he would always watch me, a look in his eyes that said he’d won.

The blood would be dry on my hands when he returned with the next meal.

“It’s dinner time, Dizelde.”

My throat closed up and I instantly began to sweat. I crouched in the shadows and hoped he wouldn’t see me. I was invisible. A ghost, one of the many ghosts that haunted the room and screamed at me when I slept.

There was a thud as he tossed a body into the room. There was no gasp, no cry, no whimper. This person was gagged. I didn’t raise my head to look at them, kept it tucked into my knees.

“You can’t starve yourself forever, child. Don’t you remember what happens when you make Daddy happy? You get to eat. It’s been a day already, Dizelde. I bet you’re hungry. You know what you need to do.”

My runny nose leaked and I sniffed to clear it. For a moment, all I could smell was the death and rot and then it filled with mucus again. Still, my eyes watered from that small whiff. I turned my head and peaked at the body. It was a man, long body, squirming helplessly, still not accepting the fate my father had forced upon him.

The body rolled to its side and blue eyes stared resolutely at me. Larkin’s eyes.

Father didn’t feed me until I made enough cuts for the sobbing screams to come. And I was hungry.