All Mine - Christian Yelich

Be Better

Luna~

Knocking on Alecia's closed door, I wait with Sienna for an answer. She opens the door, "Honey, you don't have to knock."

She lets me into her room, one of our guest bedrooms. "Can I talk to you?"

"You don't have to ask. You know that."

"Right."

"What's up?" she asks as she continues to pack. We're at a spot where we don't need the extra support even though it's really nice to have. But, Alecia has a job too and she has to do her job just as much as Christian and I have to do ours.

"Bear with me, I'll probably start crying."

I set Sienna on her bed. She's been trying so hard to crawl the last few days. She gets up on her knees but then looks around at us without doing anything.

"I'm all ears."

I sigh, "I'm coming to you with this because Christian will tell me what I want to hear and you'll tell me what I need to hear. But I don't know how to move on. I feel like if I just move on, I'll forget everything. Christian already knows this but I regret everything."

"What do you regret?"

"Not trying. Not getting over myself and the past. A lot of things. I regret a lot of things as of lately. I don't know how I'm supposed to be okay with it."

"No one is telling you or expecting you to be okay with this. I promise you that. You're not going to feel like yourself for a while and that's okay. You're gonna have your moments where you feel like you can't continue. But I know you can."

"Somehow, last night, after we got back, we got on the topic of kids. I have no idea how we got there, but we did."

"More kids?"

"Yeah. Don't get too excited, not in the next year, most likely. But the thought of them not meeting my mom doesn't sit right with me."

"Honey, you aren't going to feel okay with her being gone. You are going to learn to live with it. That doesn't mean you have to accept it though. Your sister's pregnant, right?"

"Yeah."

"I assume she'll tell you because I know you're both close. Ask her how she's doing with it. You just have to remember that nobody is expecting you to be okay with this. I'm not okay with it for you. Death sucks. And I'm sorry you're going through this right now. But you have so many people in your corner. Me, Christian, your dad, Trin, everyone."

"Can I just get a mom hug?"

She smiles, "Of course."

There's something about it when she gives me a hug. I can't put my finger on what it is. But I love it.

I let her finish packing and head upstairs with Sienna. I sit with Sienna on the floor of our bedroom. She looks up at me and smiles, automatically making me smile.

I put her in my lap as I leaned against the bed frame. She puts her head on my shoulder, snuggling into my neck. Nothing gets better than this. I think she can tell that I've been off for the past few weeks. We all know that I'm not myself but she's really picked up on how I'm feeling.

We sit there for a long time before I hear some footsteps and then the presence of someone else. I look up at Christian as he sits down next to me, "What's going on?"

Sienna lifts her head from my shoulder, looking over at Christian. Usually, she'd go right to him but instead, lays her head back down on my shoulder. That's a win in my book.