All Mine - Christian Yelich

Why?

Luna~

Let's be honest, I'm not okay right now. No preparation. Nothing is going to fix this. Nothing.

As much as my mom made my childhood a living hell, I wouldn't wish her death over my dead body. That's not me. Sure, we had our differences. But I still loved her. Deep down inside of me, I still loved her. Not everyone can say that they can so easily forgive someone for doing things that harmed them, but dammit, I forgive her. I can't get her back to tell her that either.

Christian and I silently head to my office. I know he doesn't want me to be here. But he also knows that I can't stay at home anymore. I just can't. I end up overthinking which then results in me crying. This then results in me having an anxiety attack because I can't breathe and my head is too full of thoughts.

I put the key inside of my office door but notice it's already unlocked. I twist the knob and push the door open seeing every one of the guys. I stand in the doorway trying not to cry.

"Guys, if you're here to tell me how sorry you are, please, just save it. I already know how you feel," I tell them, putting my things at my desk.

"Well, then I assume you don't want these?" Kolten asks, holding up a vase of flowers. Some of the other guys hold some vases up as well.

"Just leave them in here."

"Can we at least give you a hug?"

"Not if you don't mind me crying."

Hugging every one of them actually put a smile on my face. They all file out of my office once we hugged, soon leaving only Christian and me.

I look around the room, overwhelmed by the number of flowers in here. I go around to some of them, looking at the cards.

Luna, Christian, and Sienna, we're thinking about you all. We love you guys! ~ Kolten, Alissa, and Kash

Luna, Christian, and Sienna, we're thinking about you. We love you all. Sending you all the love ~ The Counsell's, The Stearns, and The Attanasio's

Bear, I love you. I know this is hard. You still got me. We'll get through this. ~ Dad

Luna, my best friend. I love you, Luna Lu. Call me when you get the chance. ~ Cody

Luna, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I always loved her. Thinking about you a lot. I'm always here for you.~ Corey Seager

That one stung a bit. Corey and my mom did always get along. "Why?" I ask myself quietly. Why? I will never understand why she didn't tell us. That might be the one thing I won't forgive her for.

Feeling unstable, I kneel to my knees to keep myself from falling. My throat becomes tight as I just let my emotions get the best of me.

"Hey, you're okay. I got you," Christian tells me as he puts his arms around me.

"Why, Christian? Why? Why didn't she tell me?"

"I don't know, Luna. I wish I could tell you. I really do. I got you though. I'm right here. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm always going to be here."

I know this is breaking him into pieces when he sees me like this. It hasn't been this bad since we took a break when we first started dating.

"I got you. Just breathe. You sure you still want to be here?"

I don't answer him. I keep sobbing in his arms. It's the only place I feel safe enough to do so. "She seemed so healthy at Christmas and then two months later she finds out she has cancer and then two months after that she dies. And we didn't know. We didn't know, Christian, we didn't know."