All Mine - Christian Yelich

The Unwritten Rule

"You too. I'll text you later to get some stuff from you."

"Okay, sounds good. Thanks for taking over for me."

"Of course. It's been good to be back."

I look back and smile at her before walking out with Christian. "You good? How was your walk?"

"It was fine. Why?"

"I just went looking for you and I didn't know where you were."

"I just wanted to sit in there and see if I could handle it."

He puts his arm around my shoulder, "And?"

"It was really hard. It was still and weird. I just wanted to go down there and look around."

"Ready? Bus is ready for everyone," Christian says pulling my attention away from my phone. I stand up from his chair and grab my things. "You're tired," he says moving a piece of my hair out of the way, "Or you're upset about something. Which is it?"

I shrug, "Both." I started to panic in the dugout while the game was going. Partially because I went into my office and I don't know about the other half.

"Why? You have to tell because I can't read your mind."

We start walking to the buses, "Don't freak out when I tell you this. I'm pretty sure I was having an anxiety attack throughout the entire game because I went to my office and I probably shouldn't have," I tell him quietly as I know there were people behind us.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because then somebody will tell someone that I need a psych evaluation when I don't need a psych evaluation."

"Okay, but somebody could've taken you back somewhere so you could cool off or let it out. Why did you go back in the first place?"

"Because I figured I could handle it. I wasn't expecting Sophia to pop in and us to start talking about it. I just wanted to sit in there a brace myself for whatever. I have to go back at some point. I can't just sit in the dugout and not do my job."

My chest keeps getting tighter and tighter. Oh god, I'm gonna start to lose it soon. "Let me come at this with a different approach. Why were you starting to freak out? Because you were reliving it? Or because it was just too soon?"

"Both, I guess. I don't know. I think I thought I could handle being down there two days after." I follow him up onto the bus and sit down next to him.

I lean my head back on the seat and try to stop myself from crying at this point. I can feel him staring at me. Almost glaring. "Okay, why are you staring at me? I can feel you staring."

I look over at him, "I just don't what to do. I don't know what you want me to do or what you need."

"I don't need anything," I say quietly sighing and turning in my seat to face him, "I'm telling you all of this so I don't shut you out. You wanted me to keep telling you anything and everything. This is that."

He pulls me into him and puts his fingers in my hair. It automatically calms me down. "I'll wake you up when we get to the airport. Just go to sleep."

I feel around for my phone as it's going off underneath the pillow. Our flight was delayed last night because of the weather, so we sat on the tarmac for an hour and a half. We got in later than we would've liked. I shut off my alarm and look around at the very dark room. Christian shifts onto his back, still asleep just farther away from me than I would like to be.