𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐦𝐛 |𝐬.𝐛|

chapter 70

Broken in a few different ways

Sirius was officially a ghost to me.

He was constantly with his girlfriend; it was as if I never saw him. Of course, only in passing and meal times but other than that, nothing.

I saw Celia in the hallways as well, hand in hand with him and every time I saw her, she smiled at me and it made it worse. It made me feel worse.

I didn't just help her get with Sirius, I pushed her into his arms. I gave her the right keys and tools and she unlocked the door I could only dream of opening, his heart.

The more I thought about it, late at night especially, it pained me. Tore at my heart, made my stomach churn in a nauseating manner and I cried. Silently and into my pillow of course because Olivia could never hear me and the louder the cries were, the worse it made it.

I sat in my classes, I ate my food and talked but I never felt full. Not in a hunger sort of sense but more in a happiness way. This anxious pit always sat in my stomach and it was scarily overwhelming and it was so hard to see everyone around me so happy and here I was.

I didn't want to do anything and not even Edmund's odd ways could cheer me up. I was just, stuck and I didn't have a way to get out of how I felt. It was awful, but I couldn't change it because I was so good at hiding it.

I was constantly saying 'I'm fine' it felt odd on my tongue every time I said it that I wasn't sure if it was a real sentence or if I was just making it up.

At least I had my parents letters to cheer me up. My mother and her perky ways could make me feel warm even with the distance between us and I held onto that feeling for as long as possible, but it fleeted from me so fast that it wasn't worth chasing.

Nothing was worth it, not right now at least. I wasn't chasing purpose I was watching mine run away farther and farther from me with someone who wasn't me. 

Wasn't me.

Was not me.

Not me.

The words painful stuck on my brain like a carousel going over and over hurting me each and every time it came back around. But I had to move on from this feeling. I had to come out ol from this.

"You ready for the game?" Lily asks me as she pulls on her socks. I snap up from her bed and press down my pants with my hands.

"Yea, I'm ready." Today was Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, ultimate rivals and everyone was on edge to see who will prevail.

"I hope someone knocks Rosier off his broom and he lands in the hospital wing." Marlene spits as she starts to crack her knuckles aggressively.

"Why don't you just do it babe?" Dorcas asks her as she finished braiding her hair.