I can't Hurt You - Marcus Lopez Arguello

8

After study hall Marcus came out to the graveyard and met up with me. I was sat on a bench with my bag on the floor next to me as I smoked a cigarette.

Sure, I had weed, but I wasn't going to smoke it all in the middle of a school day. I'd hate for Lin to find out, and I'd hate even more to run out while the whole school, including the Hessians, are out dry.

Marcus came and sat next to me on the bench making my heart skip a beat. Jesus what was this? Some dumbass romance novel? These feelings are fucking disgusting.

After my family died I'd never let myself feel so much towards a person ever again. Although Lin was like a father to me, and I did care about him, I'd never put him before me. Same goes for the other Rats. They were my only friends and for that I appreciated them, but I'd put myself before them any day. You can call it selfish all you want, but I thought of it as caring to an extent. That way if that person ever went away, however it may be, you wouldn't be left with so much grief.

I couldn't help it with Marcus, though. I cared about him more than myself. I'd fuck up anyone who messed with him. I'd put myself in danger for him. I'd kill for him. I'd die for him. I'd trained myself to think this mindset was weak, and maybe it was, but that's why it grossed me out so much. When you go from being the bitchiest girl to the 'I care so much about you that I'd do anything for you' girl in school it feels weird. Sometimes when we had our moments it was a good weird. It was a good feeling of my heart skipping a beat and my stomach filling with butterflies. Other times, like this morning when he acted the way he did, it broke me. If you could ever physically feel your heart break that's what I'd describe it as. Nonetheless, I was falling for this curly haired new boy as disgusting as it was to feel sometimes.

When I let myself wonder for too long I would always ask myself how this was going to end. Would he inevitably leave me when he found someone smarter, prettier, or funnier? Would he die on some stupid mission like my parents? Would some stuck up asshole from school kill him? Or would we live happily ever after like those stupid Disney movies I'd watched growing up? I always said I didn't care, but secretly I wanted that happily ever after with Marcus. I wanted to make it out of King's with him and run away together. I have no idea where we'd go or what we'd do, but I knew if we were together we'd figure it out.

"Hey." He said as he sat next to me putting his bag down.

"Hey." I said sounding weird due to my lungs full of nicotine.

"Mind if I have a hit?" He asked with his hand out.

I didn't reply, just held the cigarette out which he took. I laid my head on his shoulder as he took a hit. Then I grabbed the hand that wasn't holding the cigarette and held it.

"I missed you while you were in study hall." I said as I caressed his hand with my thumb.

God, I probably sounded so stupid, but I didn't care.

"I missed you too, baby." He said.

Calling me 'baby' was a little trick he'd learned. He knew it made my stomach erupt with butterflies. He knew calling me that would get him anything he wanted out of me.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked at him.

"Feeling any better?" I asked him referring to the thing that was bothering him earlier.

"I'm okay." He said sympathetically trying to get me to stop worrying.

I gave him a small smile before Mr. Denke came out of nowhere.

"Voluntarily ingesting cyanide?" He asked.

Marcus and I looked at him.

"Yeah, well, what are we gonna do, not smoke?" Marcus replied.

Denke sat next to us.

"So you wanna snuff Reagan?" Denke asked addressing Marcus.

I swear sometimes people forget to acknowledge my existence. Marcus looked at him and then back down at the cigarette in his hand.

"Yeah, he killed my parents." He explained.

"Good reason as any. Seen half my friends and a few partners waste away from a plague Ronnie refused to even acknowledge. Cut funding for research. Wouldn't say the word 'AIDS' publicly." Denke explained trying to sympathize with Marcus.

"Did you explain to your dying friends that it was, uh, God's plan?" Marcus asked sarcastically as he took out his pack of crushed up Marlboro's passing it to Denke.

Denke didn't reply but scoffed as he played with the crushed up box in his hand.

"You know, I've been thinking. Lex said he's gonna use his training to do, you know, good things, you know? Change the world." Marcus explained.

"Changing the world is hippie bullshit. People like Reagan, they never see the guillotine anymore." Denke said.

I let out an amused scoff making them both look at me.

"Damn, Mr. Denke, didn't know you had so much rage in your heart." I said sarcastically.

"I teach minors how to kill people. Boy, do I have rage." He said with the slightest smile.

"So, what do you do, nothing? Hating what's wrong is easy. Yeah, I'm gonna do something about it." Marcus said with the slightest emotion finally coming out for the first time since this conversation started.

It was quiet for a bit before anyone spoke up again.

"You have the thing this place is supposed to nurture and they all see it and that's what will try and destroy you." Denke said vaguely.

He gave Marcus back his cigarettes, not lighting one, and walked away.

"That dude really needs to learn to explain himself better." I said with a smile.

I hoped to bring Marcus's mood up. I wanted him to be okay desperately.

"Yeah, he does." He said blankly making my smile go away.

We heard the warning bell so I got up and grabbed my bag.

"You coming? We have Black Arts next." I said as I held out my hand.

He let out a little smile and grabbed onto my hand and his bag before walking back into school.