ready to run [l.s]

chapter thirty two

A/N:

HI ALL!!!

this chapter is a 'filler' chapter, WHICH MEANS!!!!!

ITS IN NIALLS POV FOR HALF A CHAPTER TODAY BECAUSE LIKE WE GOTTA GET HIM AND CASS TOGETHER OBVIOUSLY-

dear cass,
you are getting
a boyfriend congrats
-the person making this happen

TW// mentions of panic attacks.
talk of: self harm, suicide, drugs, depression, purging and forced sexual acts
____________
present day
august 29th 2014- nialls pov

"PAYNO! happy birthday mate" i jumped as i entered his flat. zayn was the first person there surprising. hes usually later than that.

"nialler, i saw you yesterday. no need to get that excited over me yeah?"

i rolled my eyes. im trying to be happy, so i think its working. OH! my doctor said i could have at most two beers tonight.

just because its a special occasion.

thank fuck.

soon enough though, the entire flat was flooded with a sea of people. it was exciting, but cass wasnt here so that was a big downer.

she is the one person who just makes me feel. feel like something? is that the right choice of words?

yeah, im not depressed- but sometimes dying of bloody cancer can get to you so having someone so close sharing that with you makes you feel something else.

i ventured off into the kitchen going for my first guinness of the night "im telling you curly, i didnt take you sheer, lace button up with the flowers on it. why would i?"

i snapped my head up to see harry and louis arguing "because who else wouldve taken it? no one else goes into my closet except you lou!" he took a swig off his cocktail.

"you probably just misplaced it love! christ you do that alot. but out of all people i... ME. louis tomlinson took a sheer, lace, flowered shirt..."

i walked out of the room.

me : 'it kinda sucks without you:/'

cassie : 'i know im the best :)'

i leaned against a wall.

me : 'you at home?'

cassie : 'no, im climbing mount everest '

i left her on read before excusing myself from the party and heading down the elevator and out the main doors of the building.

thank fuck i had a hoodie on and it was dark out. no one could see me. i felt bad i didnt tell liam i was leaving....

quite frankly, i havent been close with any of the boys the the past year... of course they are like my brothers but-

liam has zayn- zayn has liam.

louis has harry, harry has louis.

all the fans ever joke about is me having myself, but if you take a reality check its true. i didnt tell harry i had cancer for months. hes my best mate too but no i just didnt want to over shadow everyone with my small conflict.

i know damn well im not going die. but would it be so bad if i did? obviously i have cass. but like- well... its good i have her.

she relates to me.

i called a cab as it started to rain. just as i was getting in somebody stopped me "niall? oh my god!"

fuck.