ready to run [l.s]

chapter nineteen

A/N:

im writing this at the dentist- or starting to at least... LMAO HELP anyways

dear cass,
'all i did was kill you in minecraft'
-your bitch lauren

TW// self harm, suicide

___________
march 7th 2011- harrys pov

"harry lad you okay?" niall asked me. i looked up to the blonde walking over to me as i was sitting on the edge of the stage.

i nodded, mumbling something i could barely understand. "hows your mum?" he was hesitant to sit down next to me.

he also seemed wary of asking me of the question, although im sure he didnt buy anything simon fed them. "shes alright, misses you all"

i got back three days ago. the past two months were nothing compared to was going on the past three days. i can only imagine the future.

i fiddled with my microphone actually wondering how my mum is. the fans, the boys, my mum and... louis each know a different story.

louis knowing the truth...

"right boys, we are running 'moments' and you can grab a bite to eat" alex called. i guess zayn finished running his high notes for 'gotta be you'.

i sighed, very slowly getting up off the stage. "harry" i turned around to face with liam "you okay?" i nodded 'yes' before walking to my place.

reality check? absolutely not.

the day everything went down still feels like it never actually happened. it broke louis more than me...

i took the blame, i took the punishment, i went to ohio just to save louis. everything ive ever done is for louis.

he looks so much happier now. laughing and talking to zayn. his stupidly pretty girlfriend watching us rehearse.

we havent talked one since i got-

"HARRY" i snapped out of my thoughts, realizing i was staring right at louis... who was staring right back.

the bubbly feeling i usually get looking at him was tuned out and instead replaced with guilt. "you missed the entire song! fuck sakes take it from louis' verse" alex seemed pissed.

soon enough my heart started to break even more. the already shattered pieces turning into dust, it was so crushed.

the same angelic voice that used to sing to me, now singing to his girlfriend. his fucking girlfriend.

i tuned back in so i wouldnt piss off alex even more than i already have.

"...try to scream out my lungs
it makes this harder
and the tears stream- d' n my fac...e"

i glanced over to see him walk off the stage crying, niall running after him. eleanor didnt move nor even see what was happening. she was just on her phone not even paying attention.

i guess it was my turn to sing, even though i could barely concentrate.

"if we could only have this life for one more day
if we could only turn back ti-ime"

the last word broke me into tears, i had to run off the stage. alex calling 'take five' was the last thing i heard before walking into what i thought was my dressing room.

i looked up through my blurred vision to see louis and niall on the sofa. "harry?" his irish accent rang through my ears.

i shook my head walking back out and to my actual dressing room. "harry?" a soft voice rang through my ear.