HOLD ON - [희승]

13 | risky attempt

She sees the reflection of herself in the mirror, withered eyes, deep and dark eyebags, dry and pale lips, bruises and scars on her face .. she thinks she looks very ugly .

She touched her cheek and rubbed it gently, "How I wish someone would calm me down"

"I need someone who can pull me in their warm embrace and whispered to me that I don't have to be perfect "

"My head hurts so much , i can't even get enough sleep . It's silly how i can loss my weight that easily "

"I told myself that i'm going to be just fine , oh ! It's just another bad day but i'm not doing fine . I'm stuck in this state of mind"

"I'm trying to distract myself by writing some poem but all the satisfaction is gone !  The little thing that used to bring me joy is now worthless . Even the simplest task become painful , sometimes it's even hard for me to breath !"

"I feel too suffocated to breathe.  I feel very useless and just a heavy burden"

"Days by days i found myself living in a slow motion , days become indistinguishable ... Heaviness filling my mind and spilling over my body . I feel like , i can't be happy anymore"

"I don't wanna die but sometimes i wish i'd never be born at all ..."

"I don't want anything but some peace in my mind.  It was very chaotic inside myself"

"I just want freedom.  I also want to be free like teenagers my age.  I want to feel what it's like to have a sleepover at a friend's house, how it's like to attend a party, how it's like to play games in an arcade ..."

"But it is useless.  I'm just rubbish that can't be recycled "

"I'm tired of wearing a mask and continue living with all people like nothing happened "

"Even how hard i tried to fit in the frame , no one would see it ,"
She paused for a while .

"I want to end this "

Haru stared at a bottle of aspirin in her hand that she had brought with her earlier.

"At least, I will sleep soundly without pain"

Haru wants to hang herself but she is afraid to bare with the pains, she wants to cut her wrist but she is also afraid of the pain.

So, swallowing painkillers is the best way.  We will fall asleep soundly ,

and will not wake up the next morning .

"This is the time, Haru"

"God is giving you a chance to end everything today"

"End your suffers now "

"You will find your peace soon "

"You're one step closer to your happiness ,"

"Leave this cruel world and follow your mum"

"This world will only give you pain that you can't handle"

"Just die now , Haru ! Eat those pills and FUCKING END THIS SHIT OUT !"

Haru took a handful of the aspirin and put it in her mouth . She swallowed those aspirin and forced it through her throat, her eyes shedding tears as it hurt .

The girl immediately took tap water using her palm and drank it to help the pills run down to her stomach .

She began to feel her head become heavy, a smile appeared on her lips . "I'm free"

"I'm going to be ,, free.."

"It's coming , i can feel it,,"

"I will be free from all this shits..

"Haru , you're more than enough ,"

"You don't have to please everyone"

"You are not worthless, sometimes only certain people will be able to see your price"

"And i'm one of that people , Haru"

"You're more than enough , princess"

Heeseung's voice was heard in Haru's eardrums.  And that's when reality hit her back. 

She looked at her hand gasped when she saw a bottle of aspirin that was half -empty .

"Oh god , what have i done ?"
Tears of regret flowed from her eyes, she hated herself for letting the darkness envelop and control her .

The bottle fell on the bathroom floor as Haru immediately ran to her bed, she picked up her phone and searched for someone’s number .

She immediately called the number as  the girl bit her nails anxiously .

"Please, please, please .."

"Answer me , Heeseung"

"I just made a big mistake"

"I still have Hanee and you, I can't leave you both ,"

"Haru ? Finally , you called me back !"

"Heeseung !"
Haru's eyes lit up as soon as she heard the boy's voice .

"Heeseung, I just swallowed half a bottle of aspirin" Haru said in a crack voice .

"You what ? Jung Haru are you crazy ?"

"Where are you now ?!"

"Wait , I'll call an ambulance for you! "

"Don't call the ambulance Heeseung-ah ..." Haru paused for a while as she sobbed harder .

She rubbed her face harshly and pulled her hair ,
"Heeseung , please come and get me ..."

"Come and get me , Heeseung"

"I still want to live , please come and get me .."

"Heeseung-ah , please . Come and get me"

She cried harder as hee breath hitched up . She patted her chest harshly and fall seated beside her bed .

"I'm coming to you , do not disconnect this call"

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A/N : To my readers, if you feel the same way as Haru, don't bottle up your feelings alone.  Find trusted friends or family to express your feelings and if there is no one you trust, my dm is open for you all!  never feel that you are useless because you are so precious.  You are all beautiful, precious and meaningful, never let yourself down.  we don't have to please everyone, it's enough to love ourselves first.  get enough rest and envelop yourself with positive things!  life is not always easy but look at you, you are here!  This means you are strong and i'm so proud of you !! fighting everyone!