THE HILLS

𝟑𝟖

𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐢
𝙱𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙻𝚈 𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙻𝚂, 𝙲𝙰

"Hi...my name is Brionne and I'm an alcoholic." I said nervously as I looked around at everybody.

"Hi, Brionne."

They went on more about their days and eventually everybody had started to tell their stories about their alcoholism and their recovery as I slouched down in my seat.

Of course I was disappointed in myself for even having to be here right now but for the most part I was scared. This was one of the few things I've had to do alone since I met Syian and it was one of the scariest things of my life.

I didn't like having to talk about my problems, especially not to a bunch of people I didn't even know, even though it might be best. Because these people either went or are going through the same thing as me, so there's really no room at all to judge.

"Okay, Brionne. When do you think your addiction started?"

"Um..." I started messing with my nails. "When I was younger I guess. My parents weren't really around often since my dad was in the NFL—"

"Who's your father?" Someone asked and I looked over at him.

"Shawn Ali."

"Ohhhh." He dragged out. "My bad for interrupting, you can finish I'm just nosy."

"He was in the NFL and my mom was never around, he would give her money and she opened up some weak ass boutique and was always there or going somewhere with her friends. I was always left with my nanny or the butler and one day they were downstairs yelling and screaming at each other because my dad was thinking of getting traded and they argued all night which stressed me out so I went into their room and found a box of bottles in my mothers closet and drank most if not all of it. It helped for the most part, it took my mind off of it. So now, whenever I go through something and need to take the edge off, I drink. It helps. It's not a good thing, but it helps. It helped when my ex-fiancé cheated on me and it helped when my boyfriend left. It takes my pain away, it always has."

"Okay, so who helped you figure out you have an addiction?" The supervisor lady leaned up in her seat.

"My sister, my friend and my boyfriend—ex boyfriend. I feel bad though, I'm not myself when I'm drunk...or high for that matter."

"How come you feel bad?" She asked and I sat there staring at her. "You can talk, this is a judgment free zone."

"I told my sister that she should've been hate crimed when I was drunk. Which was wrong to say regardless but being that she's a lesbian and gay people already experience hate crimes...it was just wrong. She won't answer my calls when I try to apologize and I feel bad because I was getting attached to her and now she's not there."

"Understandable. You mentioned being high...what were you high on?"

"A mixture of pills. Mainly oxy."

"How many did you take?"

"Too many to remember." I said honestly. This was an AA meeting so I'm not sure why she's asking about pills. I would've went to a meeting for pill heads.

"Why'd you take so many to the point you can't remember?"

"Because I wanted to hurt myself...because maybe then, he'd come back."

♔

I sat outside the laundromat and just stared at the building. For some reason it was very busy today. I'd been sitting here for about two hours, since I left the meeting. I wanted to talk to Syian before I went to therapy later, but I just couldn't get out of the car.