Second Chances, How He Loved Again

Forty One

Isabelle

Kaagad akong lumayo kay Jordan nang dahil sa sinabi niya. Hindi naman siya nagulat at pakiramdam ko, he was already expecting this. I just got heartbroken tonight, bakit niya naman ako bibiglain?

Isa pa, kahit siguro hindi ako brokenhearted, hindi ko siya magiging boyfriend. Sabi ko nga, only one man owns my heart and that is Dylan alone.

Wala nang iba.

"I was expecting you'd do that. I'm sorry," anito nang hindi ako tinitignan.

"No. I'm sorry. I only...consider you as a friend," tugon ko rito.

"Grabe ka, wala man lang filter."

Hindi ako kumibo at yumuko na lang. I just played with my fingers. I then heard him laugh. He also ruffled my hair.

"You don't have to be guilty for being honest, Isabelle. Sabi ko nga, inexpect ko nang magiging gano'n ang reaksiyon mo. Don't worry, nothing will change. I'll still be here as your friend, okay?"

Doon na ako tumingin sa kaniya. Kanina I was questioning Dylan why he did what he did. That even if I was nothing but good to him, he still chose to hurt me. But now, just looking at Jordan, I am kind of starting to understand him.

Kahit gaano ka pa kabuti sa taong gusto mo kung hindi ka nito gusto, wala ka ring magagawa. Everything has boundaries and we have to understand that.

"Mas ayos na ba ang pakiramdam mo ngayon?" he asked afterwards.

Tumango ako. Totoo naman. Mas ayos na ang pakiramdam ko ngayon kesa kanina. Pero hindi rin ako sigurado kung ganito pa rin ang magiging kalagayan ko sa tuwing maiwan na ulit akong mag-isa.

"You know, Dylan has been a part of my life already. He made me look forward to each new day. I was always excited because I would see him or get to talk to him. He became a part of my every breathing."

Hindi siya kumibo. Hinayaan niya lang ako. Just by Dylan flashing to my mind again, hindi ko na naman mapigilang masaktan. I feel like tearing up again.

"Paano ko haharapin ang bukas nang wala siya, Jordan?" I asked.

"Mahal na mahal ko siya," I added.

Again, the man beside me  tapped my shoulder and said, "It won't be easy. Pero alam kong matatag ka. Kayang-kaya mo 'yan."

I remember telling the same words to Dylan before that it pains me now. Sabi niya noon nakakatulong ang mga salita ko sa kaniya. Kaya ngayon, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit umabot kami sa ganitong punto. Kung bakit kailangang magpanggap pa siya.

I tried my best for him, right?

"Sa tingin mo kulang ang mga ginawa ko para sa kaniya?" I asked again.

"No, never think of that Isabelle. Alam kong ibinigay mo ang best mo para sa kaniya. I may not know what those things are but based on how I knew you these past months, I know that you always give your best in everything that you do. That's why you're slowly reaching your dreams, right?"

Doon na ako tumingin sa kaniya. He was smiling at me even I can see the pain on his eyes that he thought he have hid so well. While I am hurting, he's also hurting and that thought just made me cry more.