Second Chances, How He Loved Again

Thirty Five

Isabelle

Huminga ako nang malalim habang nakatingin sa salamin. Today is the day. The wedding of Elha and Tyrone at kasalukuyan na akong inaayusan ng kaibigan kong si Laya.

"Ano ba girl? Kanina pa 'yan ah. Nakakarami ka na, hindi ko maayos-ayos 'to sa dami ng hanash mo," anito sa akin na tumigil muna sa kaniyang ginagawa.

"Kinakabahan lang naman ako Laya eh," I truthfully told her.

"Ay 'te? Ikaw ba ang ikakasal at masiyado ka namang ninenerbyos diyan? Hindi naman, di'ba?" she bickered with that annoying look on her face.

I just rolled my eyes at her. "Alam kong hindi ako ang ikakasal, Laya. Pero kinakabahan pa rin ako. It's Elha's wedding. The woman that my boyfriend loved the most before."

"Oo nga. Minahal niya dati," anitong pinagdidiinan ang huling salita.

"Paano kung..." Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya. Siya naman ngayon ang huminga nang malalim.

"Paano kung hindi pa talaga nakakapagmove-on?" Pagtapos niya sa sinasabi ko kanina.

That hit the right nerve. I looked at her reflection in the mirror for a while and then immediately avoided her stares because it was too heavy for me to handle. I just can't take it. It was too much--- as if Laya was trying to decipher something deep within my soul.

"Tatlong buwan na kayong dating ni Dylan. Hindi ka pa rin pala sigurado sa kaniya at sa nararamdaman niya para sa'yo?" mahina ngunit may diing tanong nito sa akin.

"Laya alam mong taon ang binilang ng pagmamahal niya kay Elha. Taon din ang binilang para masabi niya nang tuluyan na okay na siya. Sa tingin mo gano'n kadaling magtiwala?" I shot back; now looking at her again.

"You're unfair, Isabelle. Dylan has been trying to prove himself to you these past months. Na kahit noong iniiwasan mo siya, he made sure that you two would talk and settle things down because he couldn't take being away from you. He even talks about marrying you to his family! He also constantly tells you that he loves you and that he's healed now. Ano pa ba ang dapat niyang gawin para lang maging okay ka ng tuluyan?"

"Laya, I can't help it! Ayoko rin namang maging ganito eh! Ayokong maging unfair kay Dylan. Pero paano naman ako? Kung ilalaban ako kay Elha..."

"Isabelle ikakasal na 'yong tao! Ito nga oh, inaayusan kita kasi imbitado ka ro'n sa kasal niya. Sa kasal nila! Para makita mo mismo riyan sa mga mata mo na walang-wala nang pag-asa ang Elha at Dylan na pilit pinagtutulakan ng puso't isip mo."

"Paano kung makita rin ng mga mata ko ang pagkawasak ni Dylan dahil sa kasal na 'yan, Laya?"

The corner of my eyes were starting to hurt this time. It felt like one wrong word from my best friend would already trigger my tears to fall. I can't help it. My anxieties about my relationship with Dylan is just resurfacing again. They're here again... and they're gradually trying to eat me up. I refuse to be beaten by this but my fragile heart can't just help it.

It hits different--- maybe because like Dylan loving Elha for a long time, I have also loved him for a long time and now that we are already in a relationship, I am afraid that I am still not enough to make him love me with all that he is and with all that he has. With all his heart, with the whole being of him.