KSIMON•MyMafia•

9.BreakThrough

EDITED✅
Simon's POV-

It has been a week and a half since the last incident with JJ. He hasn't spoke to me or look at me. It hurt because well whether i like to admit it or not, i liked him. I thought we could be something...the shower, then when we spoke and laid in bed together. He didn't feel any of it though.

Well no one said being gay was easy right? But certainly no one said it would be this hard.

I decided i would return to school after the whole thing with JJ and the guys were worried but they're not now. We all went for a movie and now they are assured that im fine. Which i'm glad, i hate being a burden on the guys.

I rolled out the bed once again and went to use the main bathroom for a shower since i broke mine and don't want to tell JJ. I got a towel and i couldn't see or hear JJ anywhere so i decided there wasn't any need to lock the door which i'm glad.

The lock was rusty and old and often got stuck i hadn't the strength to make it open today so i left it.

I played shower hits playlist and got in. The room steamed up and i loved it. I felt relaxed as ever. I heard the door open, i could see it was JJ but he looked to be in a strange mood. He undressed and stepped in, closing shower door behind.

"I think this shower is kinda taken right now", i whisper to him as he gets closer to me. He held a smirk on his face which made me crazy for him, i know i shouldn't because of his reputation but just a taste of him won't hurt anyone right...

He was leaning in waiting for me to pull away but i didn't he looked somewhat please with me and himself. He then backed up smiling, pushing me back hitting my head off the shower wall. "Idiot", he said as he got out and grabbed the towel i brought in and wrapped it around himself. I looked shocked and once again hurt.

Why am i so so stupid? I hate him so much i sat on the shower floor crying.

****time skip****

⚠️⚠️⚠️BIG SELF HARM WARNING I REPEAT WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️⚠️

JJ had left, im pretty sure the water ran out. Or a system was in place to stop it. But it had been hours...the light outside the window had faded and i sat here dried out of tears and my knees to my chest begging for a way out.

I look at the counter and see a razor...was it really that bad? Yes it was i wanted this pain to be somewhere else. Somewhere where i can see it and see it heal. I can't see my heart, i can't see or help my heart heal but i can bandage these real life cuts up and it will take the harder pain away.

i snapped the razor up, not caring all the cuts i was getting on my fingers i just needed this to end, i was invested in breaking this dumb thing up i didn't hear the front door nor the bathroom one but next thing i know JJ is grabbing and yelling at me. I cry and push at getting the blade out but he snatches it off me slitting his palm open.

I sit there wide eyed, realising this scene. i'm naked, wet and cold with bleeding fingers and JJ's there with now a badly bleeding palm. I shake violently as i become cold and i can hear JJ shouting me but it's as he's in the distance...years away...miles away...a different time away.

"J...JJ i don...don't feel so...so good", i whisper leaning my head against his. His eyes pulling me out of my fazed state. He drops the razor and grabs the sides of my face. you can tell in his eyes he's thinking hard and then he grumbles, "fuck it", before smashing his lips onto mine and i of course am took by shock for a couple of seconds.

Then i kiss back.