Risen- Drarry COMPLETE

Chapter 21

—Harry POV—

"My holiday was great, thank you for asking. I took my husband, daughter and son to a ski resort in the states. It was quite cold over there." Dr. Gilroy chuckled. "How was your Christmas?"

"It was good. Nothing horrible happened. The world didn't explode." I added jokingly. "Things were okay."

"With your cousin as well, I presume?"

"Yeah. With Dudley too."

"That's good to hear." She responded.

I looked at her, feeling at ease. Christmas really had gone great overall. I had caught up with Teddy, and really all of the Weasleys. There was warmth and laughter and happiness and it felt rare and nice.

"Anything specific you would like to tell me about Christmas? Or the days surrounding it?" She asked. I thought for a second.

"I saw the Weasley's for the first time in a while- all of them, without any sort of problem hanging over us... at first it was... scary, almost. I was worried about how they would treat me given that I had been avoiding them for so long before, considering that it was the first time in over a decade that I'd bothered to show up..."

"And how did that turn out?"

"They treated me like any other family member... we talked, caught up... it was surprisingly normal."

————

"Draco?" I whispered, turning to look at him. He was asleep, and didn't budge.

"Draco?" My hand reached over to nudge him softly. He stirred slightly.

"Hm?" Was what came out of his mouth as he remained in his position: curled up and facing away from me.

"Did I wake you?" He groaned slightly, stretching his body similarly to a cat, and then turning to face me.

"What's up?" He asked sleepily.

"No, never mind. You can go back to sleep." I told him, silently regretting having bothered him. It had only been a few days since Therapy, when I had insisted everything was fine- I'd genuinely thought everything was fine.

A few days after a spectacularly pleasant New Year, though, I began to question the smooth route my life seemed to be taking recently.

"No." He protested, still looking and sounding half-asleep. "What's up?" He moved to rest his head on my chest, wrapping his arms around my waist and snuggling into me. I sighed.

"Do you ever... think that maybe," I sighed. "Maybe... everything is going alright because the world is trying to get you ready for something horrible?"

There was a silence, and for a moment I wondered if he'd gone back to sleep. Then, he slowly removed himself from the hug, laying on his back next to me.

"Yeah... I do. It happened a lot more back then, though... I've gotten, well, 'used to it' isn't really the right way to say it... I've... learned to manage it." He admitted, resting his hands on his stomach, then turning to face me.

"How do you manage it?" I whispered curiously.

"Well, it's tough, and it takes time, and it doesn't always stop you from worrying... but, I've basically just had to remind myself that..." he sighed, "life... isn't going to get good, and then stay good indefinitely. It goes up, and down, and up, and down... and in the end of the day... you just have to be happy about the good things you do have. You have to enjoy when it gets good because it's always going to go away. But it always comes back, too." I looked at Draco, unsure of what to say or how to feel about what he told me.

He was staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. He looked somber, yet not.

"When things get bad, I remind myself that it's going to get better, because it has to. It's just how life works... and if it stays bad for a little longer than I hoped, I think about Scorpius, I think about you... I think about how, we don't have any more wars to fight or people to protect. There's no more running or hiding... and then slowly, subtly, the bad that is now  seems to get smaller.

And when things are good, you need to think about how you deserve those good things. You live with it, you enjoy it. Because if we only focus on the bad things... we'll get eaten alive." He finished with a chuckle.

"If we only focus on the bad things..." he continued, his voice growing darker, and quieter, "we lose our ability to see the good. We become numb, we become but a single particle of dust floating through life, with no hope, no laughter... we fade away. I know that from experience...

Fading away is worse than just dying. It's so much worse... because, it hurts the people you love more. It makes the happy times become remembered as nothing but a helpless façade. Suddenly, everyone starts to believe there really was no hope. And the person that's gone leaves a gaping hole that not only could never be filled, but starts to feel like it was there all along. It makes hope feel like it never existed."

He sniffled, and it was only then I realized we were both crying. Then, with a cracked voice, he spoke again. "When you've already lost so many people, losing another simply because they faded away, it makes you feel like it was your fault that they faded...

I don't want to lose you, Harry... that's why I keep insisting that you turn your perspective around... you need to see how much your life is worth living. You have to..." He turned his head to face me, tears glistening in the moonlight, lip quivering. "Nobody deserves to fade away."

He sobbed, and immediately moved to cover his face, recomposing himself, wiping his tears and clearing his throat. "Enough of the sappy depressing stuff, though." He looked back to the ceiling, blinking his tears away. His clogged nose could be heard through his voice. "The point is, don't worry about when things get bad again, because if you do, you'll miss out on the good things."

I swallowed thickly, realizing that for probably the first time, he shared his innermost feelings with me, albeit indirectly. Blinking harshly to stop my stupid crying, I leaned over, suddenly feeling it necessary to hold Draco tightly, and never let go. We held each other, and I cried silently into his torso, not being able to brew his words into any coherent thought, just turbulent emotion. After a while, he let out a second quiet sob, and curled up to hold me tighter.

"Please don't let yourself fade away." He whispered.

Draco took in a shuddering inhale and exhale, squeezing me tighter.

"Please."