Risen- Drarry COMPLETE

Chapter 5

—Draco POV—

"Harry! Welcome back. I was expecting you last week, what happened there?" I took a deep sigh, no longer interested in Harry's answer.

"I made the appointment. Get in, sit down. I'm taking Scorpius to Ron and Hermione's."

"Draco, no. We're going home-"

"I wasn't feeling well, so we went home. We did come here, but we went home."

"Harry, you like her. You told me you like her and I need you to do this! You need to do this-"

"Oh! Well I'm glad you're feeling better. How has this last month been? After all, it's September now! That leaves a whole of July and August to catch up on." She chuckled.

"No! Y-" he paused, leaving a silence between us, then stared at me, before apparating.

"Harry, leaving in a huff won't solve anything. Let's calm down, discuss our emotions, yeah? Tell me. What holds you back from opening up?"

"Scorpius, I'm dropping you off. I'll be able to pick you up soon. You're going to Ron and Hermione's."

"Draco?" I snapped back into reality, looking at Dr. Gilroy.

"Hm?" She gestured around the room, and I realized Harry was gone.

"Harry!" I yelled, furiously stomping about the house. "Harry talk to me!" I scaled the stairs, towards my room. The door was locked. I banged on it. "Merlin, Harry. What exactly do you think locking yourself in is going to do?! This isn't helping, you need to talk to somebody, you can't ignore this forever it's eating you alive-"

I was cut off mid-rant by Harry opening the door, nostrils flared.

"Draco, let's just relax. Follow my breaths-"

"You don't understand, Draco. Stop pretending you understan-"

Hands, clammy, shaking, sweating. Breaths ragged. There's no hope for Harry.

"Open your eyes for me, Draco. Let's work on calming down together."

"Oh you think I don't understand Trauma?!" He flinched. I stepped forward and he stepped away. "You think I don't know what it's like to blame myself?! To think everyone I love is going to leave me?! To think I'm a monster-"

"No, you don't." He said, but his voice was trembling. I stood back.

"I'm sorry. I seems you've forgotten we went through the same war-"

"This is different. You know this is different!"

"No, it's not! It's not. How do you know? Huh?!"

"I don't! I don't know, because you're such a fucking hypocrite! I tell you everything! I trust you, I open up to you! I go to a therapist for you! And you don't tell me shit about yourself. You tell me your fine, then you break down, and I ask you- I beg you- to let me help you, to help me understand, and you say yes! You fill me with false promises and I believe you and then you shut your struggles away again!"

"That's it, again, one more deep breath. You're okay." I blinked rapidly, taking another deep, shaking breath. Lip quivering. I can't cry here. I told myself, yet my exhale was interrupted by a sob. I hunched over, head in my hands.

"He keeps lying about his well-being. He's in danger and I can't do anything about it." I sobbed, voice strained and weary.

"I'm going to lose him, Doctor... I feel it. I wake up in the mornings and I hold him tighter because I don't know if it's going to be our last. I-" Another sob interrupted me.

"It's my fault... I just can't tell him..."

"Tell him what, Draco?" She coaxed, voice smooth and sweet.

"I can't tell him how I understand his struggles... we-" I sucked in a breath, my throat ached. "I know what it's like... to blame yourself, to see the evil in yourself... to feel like you don't deserve to keep living because of it." I tremor was ultimately made me too weak to continue speaking, what made me fall into Dr. Gilroy's soothing voice. I pulled myself deeper into the couch, and Dr. Gilroy went back to her spinning chair.

We were quiet for several minutes as I stared out the window of her eighth floor office, listening to the clock tick the seconds away, melting them into larger blurs of time. I watched the clouds move slowly together, making an overcast day an even darker grey.

"He saved the bloody world." I croaked. "You'd think he can catch a break, be happy after the war, not keep going back and scrutinizing himself, asking why he allowed so many casualties. He doesn't understand that it wasn't his fault... no matter how much I tell him."

"And wouldn't you be the same case?"

I thought for a moment. "No. Because I actually was evil. I watched countless get tortured and killed in my home, pretending to enjoy it, to see it as just. I was being destroyed piece by piece. I lost my last shred of dignity in that war. The deaths under my name are indeed mine."

"I hope this doesn't alarm you... I read the books, well, my daughter did. She seems to be one of many who believe you didn't kill anyone... would you like to elaborate on what that means?"

I swallowed. "I guess... I never... I didn't ever commit the deed... but letting them die is just as vile, isn't it?"

"Not if it wasn't under your control."

I stayed silent, unmoving. Dr. Gilroy spoke again.

"You say, that he lies about his mental state- about how he's feeling at moments. And it's safe to say that hurts you... right? It makes you feel anxious, maybe frustrated, a little bit helpless...?"

"Well- yeah. It hurts a lot... it scares me." I admitted with a scratchy voice. I wiped my eyes of the old tear stains, still staring out the window. I felt drained, confused, scared. I wondered briefly what happened to Harry, and where he'd gone. I wondered if it was best to leave him the space he was so obviously displaying the desire for. I wondered if giving him space would kill him, if he was already dead, if I had approached everything wrong, and if now it was too late to fix anything.

"Don't you imagine he feels the same when you do that to him?"