Full Out

Chapter Forty-One

Tap. Tap. Tap.

That was the only sound that could be heard inside of my room. My nails tapped at my desk repeatedly as I sat here in a pair of spandex and a loose crop top. My hair was already in a bun with my dance bag, already filled, at my feet.

I could barely wake up for practice today. I was up all night stressing about what was to come. I was going to lose Ezra for sure because I got lost in Roman's kiss. Groaning, I tapped faster. I didn't want to remember it. Or maybe I did, just differently. I should have slapped him when he tried. I should have immediately left after dropping him off.

But how could I have? I was trying to win back his good graces, but instead my best friend took revenge. Now I was at a loss.

The sound of my bedroom door opening almost got me to stop my tapping. My mother poked her head in the doorway, already dressed in her scrubs.

"I thought you may have left already. You do know that you have practice in ten minutes..."

"Yes," I mumbled out, eyeing my desktop.

"You really can't miss today. Competition is in exactly seven days and-"

"I won't miss it, Mom," I amused her out as my fingers stopped their movements. I eyed my mother. "I promise."

My mom was silent for a moment, her eyes searching my face and body. Her eyebrows scrunched together slightly. She sensed that something was wrong, but she knew that I wouldn't want to talk about it, at least not right now.

"Okay," she relented with a nod. "Just drive safe and text me. I love you."

"I love you too," I said back, trying to smile for her. It didn't work. I was too stressed. With one last look, my mother left my room, closing the door behind her. I checked the clock, debating whether to make it to dance a few minutes late, or to skip it all together. My bed looked so comfy...

I checked my phone again, hoping that I would hear something from Roman. He wasn't up this early and I knew that. I was just too hopeful for something good to happen in this mess.

Brushing myself up, I hoisted my dance bag over my shoulder and walked out to my car. It was overcast today. The clouds were dark, promising some rain. It went perfectly with my mood.

As I slid into the passenger seat, keys in hand, I couldn't get myself to start the engine. My body felt weak and my eyes drooped. I didn't have it in me to dance today. Dancing was what got me in this situation in the first place. If only I hadn't gone to the studio last night, Ezra would have never been there and Roman wouldn't have caught us kissing.

Now, I had to tell Ezra what happened between Roman and I.

Tears welled up in my eyes. Deep down, and making its way to the surface, I knew that once I told Ezra, I would lose him. I was losing my best friend at the same time.

I was going to be alone.

I was losing the two most important people in my life.

That was enough to get me to give up the day. I laid my chair all the way back and curled up on my side. My eyes closed, pushing my tears over the edges. They fell along my cheeks before my mind and body were too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

. . .

Zzz. Zzz. Zzz.

My eyes peeled open at the ongoing buzzing. I reached into the passenger seat and grabbed my phone before lying back down. Through my tired eyes, I tapped at my phone screen. Many dancers and even Nancy had called and texted. Stress weighed down on my shoulders. I wasn't there for team practice when competition was in a few days. Nancy needed all of us to be focused and ready.