How You Love To Hate me

CHAPTER 11

The only thing I can think about whilst taking off my shoes, eating dinner, going in the shower, and getting ready for bed is what I said to Jungkook.


Why do I never think before I speak?

Why am I so careless?

I am such a bad person.

I deserve to go to hell.

Around one and a half years ago, Jungkook was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Jungkook cared a lot about his image and his reputation. Nobody was supposed to know about it, but we soon caught on to what was happening. It didn't exactly help that he was popular, and people expected a lot from him. Jungkook who usually ate a lot had stopped eating anything for lunch, he trained excessively and focused less on his studies. His grades were dropping and he couldn't concentrate in class. He was quiet. He was only 15 so it must have been hard on him. This was probably the longest period that we didn't fight. In fact, during this time we were more like friends. I have never had an eating disorder but I knew it wasn't a joke and it was serious. It scared me when Jungkook stopped making jokes. It scared me when he stopped making fun of me. It scared me when we stopped having the small. petty arguments. But. it mainly scared me when he wasn't laughing and being the usual confident person he is. So instead I decided to help him. I wasn't a professional, but I tried my best.

When everyone else was at the lunch hall, I sat with him in the classroom where he pretended he would study. I made sure he ate, I didn't force him, but I at least made sure he ate something. We talked and I tried my best to make him smile, and when I did, I found myself smiling with him. People also noticed what was happening but they didn't say anything. During this time, a few of his so-called friends left him but at least he had Tae and Jimin. Of course, he had a therapist, he would enter classes later because of this but it didn't seem like it was helping. I already had experiences with
this since someone really close to me had something similar. The only way I could help him was by trying.

After a year or so, he recovered. We could tell this because he was back to his usual, teasing self. It didn't happen quickly though, it was all mainly because of Jimin and Tae who stood by him and was there for him. We had our petty fights and that's when I knew he was back to normal.

So far this year he has been good, as long as no one mentions it to him. But now, I messed that up.

Flashback:

"Why aren't you eating Lisa?" Jungkook asked, concerned.
"I'm not hungry."
"But you have to eat Lisa." He picks up a grape.
"At least have a grape." I refuse.
"Just one, one grape for me." He tries again.
" Please~" He pleads.
I look at him with a sad smile.
"Only if you have one."
He looks at the food hesitantly before looking back up at me.
"Okay, only for you babes."

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I know it's short, but I decided to give some background information on his eating disorder.