Military Love » Harry Styles

chapter sixty five (BRAD ENDING)

"You came," he breathed out, his calm voice clinging to the back of my head like a chewing gum to the ground. The stinging sensation filled me, the hurt was undeniable. I thought that all my tears dried, but the burning sensation of tears forming in the corners of my wet eyes caught me off guard.

I decided against every thought of words and decided to say nothing. I would let him speak. I would let him confess and regret.

"I don't know what to say." He said, waving me to sit down on the chair opposing him. I will not sit down, I told myself. He had ordered a coffee for himself, and a second later the female waitress placed a cup of steaming coffee on my side of the round table too.

"I-" he started, at a loss for words. "I thought I'd order some coffee for you too." I stuttered.

I said nothing and kept my grounds by standing instead of sitting.

"Will you please sit down?" The urgency in his voice was moaning in my head, and I sat down, wanting it to be silent in my head.

"I will start saying that I am the dumbest, most idiotic man to ever exist." He smiles. I do not smile. I do not talk. His smile turns upside down and he talks.

"I am so stupid for letting you go and for doing this to you Violet." He pronounces my name like he always does and it hurts.

"Don't call me that." I order, trying to take control of my voice, but it breaks midsentence.

"It's your name." He tells me.

"You are not entitled to my name, not anymore." I look down, ordering myself not to cry.

"I am sorry." It was silent for a couple of minutes before the waitress came back carrying a plate with two cookies on them. I finally looked up to meet Harry's eyes.

"I thought I'd-" He stopped talking. He was at all loss for words.

"You'd thought you'd what? Reminiscing over some of the memories we shared so that I would jump right back into your arms?" I spat finally finding the courage. Some people turned their heads to tune in onto the conversation, other looked at us annoyed.

I want everything but to be some people's real life drama show right now.

"You know that's not what I'm meaning to do here." He whisper-shouts. "I just want to show you that I am really really sorry."

I did not response.

"You were too kind for me, I realise that now. You were there for me, you shared with me, you were in love with me. I was too blinded to see, I did love you, but you were never my priority. You were just someone that was mine. I was never yours. I never allowed me to be."

His words took my breath away.

"You really hurt me Harry." I tell him.

"I see that now."

"Like really hurt."

"I am sorry. If I could take it all back I would." He replied.

"But you can't." I stated the obvious, not very kindly.

"That's why we're here." He tells me.

"And why exactly is that?" I ask.

"Me trying to make it up to you."

"You will not." I say clearly, again a few people turning. "Let's face it Harry, you're in too deep to get me to befriend you again." He sighed.

"I know."

Again there was a silence. I could not take it. He had hurt me. But could I live with the feeling of letting him live with all this guilt? Of course I wanted him to feel sorry, very sorry. But seeing him in this state hurt too much. I did not love him anymore. But I sure as hell still cared for him.

"Harry, let me get this clear." I cleared my throat. "I will forgive you, but I will not jump right back to you. I have a stable relation with Brad and I am very happy."

He sighed, this is not what he had hoped for. He wanted me to choose him. I could not, though a small part of me wanted to. The adventure his eyes held, and the feel of his hands on my hips. But I could not. Brad made me happy, he made me feel lucky. Harry made me feel used.

"I understand." He tells me. We both stand up, he hesitantly reaches out his hand for a formal handshake. A quick decision and I hugged him tightly, regret filled me, but also happiness. I realised that once I was able to forgive him, I would be able to forgive myself.

"I feel stronger after this." I admitted.

 "That's what they do in the army, first they break you down, but only to build you back up again." He smiled as we both walked to the exit, back to our separate lives.