small world

chapter 38

HARRY

And the next day it felt like the first day of school, that plot-twisting, confusing, single day that comes around and takes you from your summer routine of sleeping til noon and walking around barefoot, stripping you from your freedom and confining you to a schedule and responsibility. That’s what the first day of this week felt like. But it was amazing how quickly things had fallen back into their familiar places, returning to normalcy as if mistletoe and paradise and hell had never happened. Danielle returned to dancing, Perrie and Jade returned to X Factor, Eleanor and Charlie returned to Uni and their jobs, and myself and the boys returned to One Direction and the final touches of our tour.

What.

It was amazing how far we had come. I spent my childhood dreaming of a life like the one I live now, never expecting my dreams to become reality. We had a number one album and were about to tour the UK, Ireland, and if all went well Europe… and if we played our cards right, maybe even America. What a thought. And as we grew, our dreams grew with us, always striving as we continued to achieve and surpass our goals. That day when we came in third I remember feeling like it was the end, I remember the noise being blocked out completely and the only thing I could hear was the unison of my heart falling to the floor and the world crashing down around us. Faintly during the meltdown I heard an encouraging voice assure that ‘everything would be fine,’ that ‘this isn’t the end’ and they were absolutely right.

That first day of this week kissing Charlie’s nose as I slipped out of bed and to the first day of the rest of my life, it pained me to leave her behind, wanting to share all of this with her. But I hoped when she was sat front row at the big reveal – the first show, she would be proud of what we would come up with. She would know that the distance and the space was well worth it.

And when Saturday rolled around, when every song was in order, every speech figured out, and every lack of choreography was ignored, I knew for sure she would be.

 CHARLIE

I fell back into routine like a domino, back at Uni, working at Top Shop, getting Starbucks with Eleanor and our friends after classes, wrote essays, ordered dinner and slipped into Harry’s bed every night. A few days over the week the boys made it home for dinner and to watch football on the tele, and some nights I fell asleep in empty sheets, but no matter what time they returned home, Harry would strip down and crawl into bed, wrap his arms around me and whisper into the back of my neck ‘I love you’ before pressing his lips against my hair, and I knew this because I couldn’t fall asleep until I knew he was there. Since the accident I just subconsciously thought that he wouldn’t come home at night, and I couldn’t figure out why I worried this but a small part of me always did no matter how hard I tried to block it out. But when his Bleu de Chanel clouded the dark room upon entering and his body curled up to mine his presence and a sense of completeness calmed me almost instantly.

And before he arrived those nights I lied awake with my back to the door, waiting for him even though I wouldn’t admit it, and my mind would race about the future, fearing it was filled with sleepless nights – I was going to have to get used to sleeping alone and even though I was well aware of that fact I wasn’t sure I ever would fully rest easy without him. But when he occupied the space next to me those thoughts simmered down and I found myself dreaming, dreaming of the tour and what I could expect, dreams that Harry and Louis and Niall and Zayn and Liam had all dreamed of, dreams that one day, so soon, would become reality.

Soon |soōn| (adverb):in or after a short time.

And that short time flew, and suddenly I had found myself in a black van accompanied by four girls whose minds occupied the same nerves and excitement that dwelled in my own heart and mind on our way to see the men we loved live their dream. And a second went by and that realization grew, realizing that not one, not four, but almost ten thousand girls were on their way to the London Hammersmith Apollo to see the boys they too fell in love with, and as the anticipation grew in my body as we neared the venue, I had a feeling I’d be feeling like one of the girls tonight.