small world

chapter 27

HARRY

The last two months have singlehandedly changed my life. Since the release of our first single ‘Everything About You’, we sure were headed in one direction, and it was up.

Everything had been going so perfectly. Jade and Niall had finally gotten together and me and my five best mates were all in love; and that made going through this crazy ride so much more special knowing you not only had your band to share that experience with, but somebody you loved too. And because we were all starting out with our girlfriends by our side, the fans were used to them and the new fans learned to love them just as much as we did. Charlie was truthfully the love of my life, and since loving her I was sure I would never love somebody the way I did her, but these last two months, I could have been slowly but surely ruining my relationship with her.

We were currently sitting in the van on our way to the big release of the entire album ‘Up All Night’, the very first CD that our own songs were on. It was unreal to hold it in my hand, knowing that soon people around the country and not far off around the world could be holding their very own copy of it. A disk in a plastic cover with our faces on it held so much more than what it seemed, but fifteen songs that we created, some co-written, all sang, and one day will perform in front of audiences all over the world, crowds of thousands of people coming out to hear our music, to see our lack of choreography, and to experience something that over the last two months we had put so much into.

I was on cloud nine. I had the love of my life, my four best mates, a number one single and a hopefully successful album on the way. Everywhere I went people called out my name, asking for pictures and autographs, just a simple moment with me, some time out of my day, would be something they would remember forever and something I would soon forget. The first few encounters in the X Factor, I remember being so special. I remember the first time somebody wanted my autograph I hadn’t had a signature; I simply wrote ‘Harry’ in my very boyish chicken-scratch script and hoped it hadn’t looked like a primary school students first attempt at cursive. But now, now One Direction had really taken the country by storm. I heard our song every time I turned on the radio, saw my face in every newspaper, magazine, website, talk show – everywhere. I was just a boy who had worked in a bakery a year ago and now here I was going to be Britain’s next best thing. At first I had tried not to let fame get to my head, but when you had beautiful women all over you all the time knowing you could have any one of them in a split second; free things thrown at you simply hoping that you’ll be photographed with whatever random item companies are hoping to get free advertising from; people wanting to do anything for you, attention served to you on a silver platter; it fueled my ego.

I didn’t want to walk around like I was better than everybody else, but at the end of the day… I was better than everybody else. I’m Harry Styles of One Direction, and everyday I was just getting bigger and better. As the band grew more popular, each of us boys did individually. At first I felt guilty having the most twitter followers and having one-on-one interviewers ask if I was the leader of the band or if I was considering going solo, but then I felt that I deserved it; the public made me the popular one, so I took the role and went with it.

The five of us guys spent all of our time together. When we were working we were together, when we were at home we were together, and even when we had a day off we still were together. When we went out at night we went as a group, we went on group dates or split off into double dates, we were always with each other. There were no other lads that I would want to be in this band with, but as we got more famous, we were always at appearances and busy, so when we had nights off the boys started staying in, but not me. I was Harry Styles – I was going to go out VIP every chance I got. I slowly but surely became a club rat, spending less of my free time with my boys and with that less time with Charlie. She’s attending Uni in London studying to be a journalist, and as much as she makes an effort to come to events with me and go out every once in a while, during the week she’s focused on school – we live completely different lifestyles, together. We make the best of it, because we’re in love, but sometimes it crosses my mind that maybe it would be easier for her if she was with someone “normal” and I was single Harry, the way I used to be in the X Factor when I got my first taste of fame and all the girls attention that came along with being in a band. The other boys spent every free moment with their girls, the five of us all in serious relationships, and as much as I wanted to, Charlie was a student and I was a superstar. It hurt my heart whenever I imagined Charlie with somebody else, but the feelings within faded when alcohol took over my body, and my judgment and love were hazy. When I was out at clubs when Charlie was at home, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t dance with other girls – I’m Harry Styles, girls dance on me and I let them because I can.