small world

chapter 37

CHARLIE

That morning I woke up with a full heart – I opened my eyes and found a smile on my face, one of those moods where everything just felt right for once, like there was something to be happy about even if I couldn’t identify it. The apartment was still, the only sounds were faint whirs escaping the plump lips of the sleeping body beside me. I found myself so easily captivated by Harry, watching his chest rise and fall and his eyes watch something that only existed in his head as he slept. I rolled over and my bare legs swung over the side of the bed before I was planted firmly on the ground, walking toward the door and cracking it open. The unusual silence continued and only until then did I forget what day it was – the last day. Today was the last day before the start of something new, the One Direction Up All Night tour. In one weeks time the boys will be performing their own songs to thousands of their own dedicated fans, holding posters with their names and wearing t-shirts with their faces on them. It was surreal how quickly things were happening… it seemed like just last year Harry and I were playing karaoke on Christmas eve when we were young; just last week Louis was on stage as Danny Zuko from Grease, posting YouTube videos recorded in the walls of his bedroom in Doncaster; like just yesterday I watched them blossom on the X Factor, voting a hundred times a week. It was like the dream had finally come true, except reality had become something not any of the five of them could have imagined.

I was confused when I didn’t hear the typical morning sounds of Liam coming in with breakfast, Niall announcing his ‘good morning Nialler trend,” and Louis starting on tea with Eleanor until I realized the four other couples were spending their last days before the boys would be finalizing tour plans and attending numerous rehearsals on dates. Free to wander, my feet fell on the cold floors down the hall wearing only a pair of cheeky underwear and a plain white tank top. I emerged into the crisp modern kitchen and started a kettle of water, grabbing two Advil and a Yorkshire teabag from a cabinet before pulling out a stool on the island and taking a seat. My tired aching head fell in my hands, my elbows propped up on the granite countertop, heavy from pain and worry. A hundred thoughts flooded my mind, the first leg of the tour would be all UK and Ireland, so I’d be able to see Harry as much as I can around his overwhelming schedule, but after that they take on Europe and if that goes well… the world. I wanted to be with Harry every minute of every day for the rest of my life, but at the same time I couldn’t just follow him around the world – as much as it truthfully did I couldn’t let my world revolve around Harry. The bigger the boys got, the prouder I would be, the happier they would be, but all the more lonely I would be. I realized touring was so exciting, their opportunities would be amazing but touring for them meant waiting for me, and a part of me feared I wouldn’t be able to do it. I exhaled deeply; trying to release the negativity when suddenly two strong arms were wrapped around my waist, a pair of lips pressed to the peak of my hairline before Harry’s chin rested on the top of my head.

“Good morning,” he murmured against my hair as he kissed me again, burying his face in the smell of my hair, the warmth of his breath splattered goose bumps across my skin like rain droplets on a windowpane.

"Hey" I said to the countertops, my voice traced with notes of frustration. Harry spun the seat of the stool and set his hands on my shoulders firmly "what's wrong?" he said inquisitively, his first-words-of-the-day voice gravely and tired.

I shook my head at him "nothing Haz" I said lighter than before, attempting to promise, but knowing better an eyebrow raised at me in response "I'm just worried about how busy you're going to be; it was always a distant worry about how things would be when the tour started, but its coming up so fast and its just now become real to me; we’re never going to see each other" I breathed and his strong hand cupped my chin "that's not true. Don't you think I've worried about that too? It's going to be hard for me not to have your hand in mine everyday. When I tried out for X Factor, going into all of this, I had nothing holding me back, but now for the first time I have something to lose. I think about it all the time" he admitted, the sound of his voice convinced me that he had.