Ease [Cashton/Muke]

Chapter thirty three

The hour car trip is long. Long enough, it becomes apparent, for Maggie to forget about the little notes and their place inside the cover of Ashton's maths book.
"Here we go. One maths book along with everything else cleared out of your locker." She grins triumphantly as she holds out the stack of papers and the book when she steps into his office.
"Thank you so much." Ashton sighs in relief as he takes the book and papers in question from her hands and put theme on his desk.
"Anytime. That Riersack guy really is a talker." She exclaims, making Ashton laugh. "I hope you've taken a break this morning."
"Yes, a while ago. I'm going to lunch soon." Ashton reassures.
"Wonderful. I'm going to make sure Calum still has a company, you know where to find me." Maggie jokes, making Ashton giggle lightly as she walks out.

Ashton quickly flicks through the papers on top of his textbook and puts them in the folder for the relevant subject, most of them were loose ends that had just fallen out at one point or another. He picks up his textbook, going to line it up in the neat row of all his other textbooks, when some slips of paper fall from the cover. He's instantly confused, he doesn't remember putting anything there. He turns the pile over and his heart falls from his chest.

You'll never be a good sub ashton.

The first one reads. He could be logical about this but his mind isn't allowing that so he keeps reading on.

You need to be protected by someone like me.

You're the sub who tried to be better than all the other subs and that just makes you worse.

I'm the best dom. You're the worst sub ashton.

Only I know how bad you are. Really bad.

Doms and subs are not equal. You're weak.

You don't know how to behave and be a good sub, you never will.

You are a failure as a submissive ashton irwin. -Calum Hood

The last one is the worst. He can't believe Calum would do this. Would write these things and deliver them in the form of notes in his textbook. There's no other explanation, no one else could have gotten them inside the textbook. No one but Maggie, which easily leads to Calum.

Ashton didn't realise how much he was crying until a tear fell onto one of the notes. He quickly wipes his eyes and pushes his chair away from the desk. He needs space. Everything feels suffocating right now. For a moment he sits in his desk chair, just sort of hyperventilating, but he can't draw his eyes away from the notes sitting on his desk. He needs to get out of here.

Ashton leaps up, grabbing his phone and wallet and ready to take his lunch break right now but then he halts a second. He quickly hides the notes back in the textbook, deciding he doesn't want Calum or Maggie seeing them if they were to come knocking to his office. He doesn't know exactly why he doesn't want them seeing but he doesn't, he needs to process this in his own head right now -at least that's what he thinks he needs.

He peers out of his office and sees Maggie happily typing away at her desk -which he has to pass to access the lift. There's no way he can get out without her seeing him and asking why the hell he's crying. Looking for options, he notices the fire escape stairs just across the hall and decides they'll do. Maggie momentarily walks into Calum's office and Ashton takes the opportunity, rushing down the fire escape as quick as he can.

Going down 25 flights of stairs isn't exactly that quick overall but awkwardly walking across the building to access the lift is something he can't face right now. Not to mention he needs the time to try and hide the fact he's been crying his eyes out before he reaches the food court. When he does finally reach the ground floor he takes a deep breath, opening the fire door and trying to blend in with the crowd in the food court.

He grabs some fried rice then sits at the most secluded table he can find before eating slowly and analysing absolutely everything in his life that led him to this moment. It's not long before he starts to cry again.

"Are you okay?" A woman, Ashton guesses around 30, asks him -making him jump in horror at her sudden appearance.
"Oh." He tries to clear his throat and wipe his eyes quickly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just work stress." He chuckles awkwardly.
"You sure?" She frowns.
"Yeah... I'm just... new and still settling in." He trails unsurely, trying to work out what he can say to make her go away.
"That worries me more. Generally the new people are more relaxed. Are your team nice?" She furrows her eyebrows.
"Oh-" Ashton chokes on air a little bit, trying to save himself from anymore of her questions. "I- yeah they're all nice. I promise I'm fine."
"Okay. If you say so." She says hesitantly, standing up slowly. "We have a great Human Resources team on the fourth floor if you have any issues."
"Thank you." Ashton replies softly and she gives a warm smile before walking away, making Ashton sigh in relief.

Upstairs, Maggie was starting to wonder why Ashton seemingly wasn't on his lunch break yet. She didn't see him go out but in her book it had been a 'soon' amount of time since she got back and since Ashton had said he would go to lunch. She gets up from her desk with a puzzled look and strides down the corridor, being even more confused when she finds his office empty.

"Have you seen Ashton?" Maggie asks Calum back in his office, an uneasy feeling in her stomach.
"Should I have?" He looks up in confusion.
"He just said he would be at lunch by now, and his office is empty, but I didn't see him go downstairs." She says, trying to put the pieces together.
"You're telling me you're worried that he's having lunch when he said he would be, just because you didn't seem walk past your desk?" Calum says flatly.
"Well... when you put it like that..."
"Relax Mags, I'll go downstairs for lunch in like five minutes. To put your mind at ease."
"Okay." She sighs unsurely before going back to her desk.

Ashton was still downstairs, drowning in his thoughts. Drowning in the knowledge that Calum is insanely disappointed in him and essentially hates the fact they're considered soulmates. Absolutely everything is a lie and he's not sure what to do about that. He sits and stares off into space, not focussing on what's in his line of sight. That is, until he sees Calum exit a lift out of his pheripherals.

Ashton instantly panics. He's barely eaten half of his rice in half an hour but that's not his main problem right now. He darts into the closest toilets so fast he's surprised he doesn't run into someone. Settling for a stall, just in case Calum does by chance happen to come in, he proceeds to hyperventilate and have a panic attack in the toilet stall.

He's not ready to face Calum. He doesn't know when he will be but right now his chest his tightening at the thought. His head feels heavy despite feeling like it has no oxygen at all. He muscles unexplainably hurt and his breathing just keeps getting faster. There's tears streaming down his face but he can barely hear a thing over the sound of Calum's words 'you are a failure as a submissive ashton irwin' repeating in his mind.

A/N: hehehe you're welcome things are starting to get spicy I'll be back on Thursday with another update, thanks for the love and support :)

-Grace Williams xo