▪ Zadarius ▪
We were having a cookout. I only invited people I knew and so did Trina. Music was playing, food on the grill, an open bar, drinks for the kids, people in the pool, some playing football others playing basketball, everybody was doing something.
"Chef Boyardee!" T yelled. This nigga.
"Nigga my name is Zeus." I said.
"Yeah yeah whatever give me a hot dog." He said. I gave him one.
"You like that meat, huh?" He started choking.
"Fuck you." He said throwing the hot dog at me. I ducked laughing. He ran away mad. I just finished cooking on the grill.
"Zadarius." I froze. I knew that voice. My sister. I turned around to see my sister and momma standing behind me.
"What are you doing here?" I hissed. Jay stood there looking everywhere, but at me.
"We came to apologize to you and Trina." My sister said.
"How did y'all even get in?" I asked.
"Uhh..." They stuttered.
"They wouldn't let me leave unless I brought them." Jay blurted out.
"My office." I said. They followed me inside the house. We made it to my office and I closed the door behind us.
"Five minutes." I said. I honestly didn't want to talk. They haven't talked to ever since that night all the secrets came out now they show up.
"Zadarius I'm so sorry for the things I let your father do to you and your brother growing up. I guess I just wanted a man and I was scared he would leave me for another woman." So basically she chose a man over her kids.
"I wish I could go back and change everything, but I can't. I want us all to start over as a family again." She said. I looked to see the sincerity in her eyes.
"Three minutes."
"Darius I'll be honest with you I'm jealous of you. You have it all. The perfect family, house, friends, all of it. I resented you for years. I let my jealously get the best of me and I let my dead best friend get to me. You didn't deserve the way I treated you. I'm sorry." My sister said. Ain't shit prefect in my world. I'm constantly on the grind for my money. This house I live in ain't cheap. The cars I drive ain't cheap. I have a son and kids ain't cheap. I have taxes, bills, workers, etc., and none of this shit is cheap or come easy. I'm on a constant grind. Just sitting here I'm making money. I may be at the top of the food chain, but nothing lasts forever and I want to make sure my kids, kids, kids to be straight.
"Times up." I said standing up. Jay glanced at me watching my next move. I don't know if he forgave them, but I need time. I'm still a man that has feelings regardless of my hard interior. I got enough on my plate.
▪ Trina ▪
This cookout was going good. Ja'Maine and Jamiya were doing everything. They got in the pool for the first time and they had a blast. I had to feed him and he had a fit cause he had to get out the water.
"Ja'Maine don't get them little legs popped today." I warned. He shut up quick. I looked around for Zadarius, but I couldn't find him. I walked in the house and bumped into him on the way to the kitchen.
"Where you coming from?" I asked.
"What's wrong with my son?" He asked taking Ja'Maine out of my hands. I like how he tried to change the subject. He followed me into the kitchen. I warmed up Ja'Maine milk. I watched him play woth Ja'Maine. I swear it's a man dream to have a son.
"Zadarius where you coming from?" I heard him sigh.
"My mom and sister here." He said
"Aw shit hide ya babies, jewelry, money, hide everything. Shit let me hide my balls for big head try to eat em!" T yelled outta nowhere. Where did he come from?
"T if you don't get the hell out Imma shoot your ass." Zadarius said.
"Listen Fiona if you touch me I will sue your ass. I'd have yo girl, baby, house, cars, businesses, and I'll pawn all yo shit for more money. I'll take er'thing from you. Honey boom!" He said doing the z snap. I bust out laughing.
Slap!
Ja'Maine slapped T. T held his cheek.
"That baby a demon. I rebuke you in the name of Jesus." T said placing his hand on Ja'Maine forehead. Ja'Maine tried to bit him.
"Ewwww it bit me. Charlie bit me!" T dramatic ass said running in circles yelling in a horrible British accent.
"So where are they now?" I asked completely ignoring T. He shrugged.
"I don't know and honestly don't care at the moment." He said.
"How do you really feel?" I asked. He sighed loudly. I know he didn't want to talk about it, but he needs to.
"I got a lot going on Trina. I feel like the world on my shoulders. Shit just by being black I got the world on my shoulders. I have a child now, business, money, and everything. I gotta make my yearly trips checking on other stuff I need to check on. I don't have time to be moping around. I gotta handle my business and home first then deal with that." He said. I understood where he coming from. No one said life would be easy and he seeing that even more. But we wouldn't grow as a person if we didn't have obstacles and didn't make mistakes.
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The cookout was starting to wind down. People were leaving and taking home plates of food. Zadarius mom and sister stayed and got to know Jamiya and Ja'Maine a little bit. It was still kind of awkward, but toward the end it was alright. Darius didn't say much. I can't make him do nothing he don't want to do.
While Darius dealt with everything outside I bathe Ja'Maine and put him to sleep. Poor baby was falling asleep in the tub. My poor baby was worn out.
I showered and washed my hair from being in the pool. When I walked out the bathroom Darius wasn't in here. I threw on some boy shorts and a tank top and went to look for him.
When I found him he was outside smoking. I sat on his lap. It was quiet, until he spoke.
"I spent years building my empire with my brother and cousins helping me. When I eat, they eat. When I make money, they make money. Shit I'm feeding thousands of people, the trap workers, my business workers, shit I got everything, but the love of my mother. My momma never listened and my sister hated me. Not once since that confession night have they tried to call me or come look for me. Not once had they said they were sorry after they did something to me growing up. Now all of a sudden here they are. I promised myself that if I ever had a child or children I'd give them the best. I want them to learn from me, not these streets. I want to do things and show my kids that no matter what that I'll always be there. But how can I do all of that when I never had that?" He asked.
"Zadarius...you know how long I waited for my momma to say she loved me, or for her to tell me she proud of me, or my sister and brother to stick up for me? I soon figured that it would never come. They don't care and never will unless it benefits them in any way. Your mom and sister came to apologize, I'm not saying you have to forgive them right now, but at least try. If not for yourself then for Ja'Maine, eventually he's going to wonder about certain things. I love you, Ja'Maine loves you, everyone of us love you, even T retarded ass loves you. Don't let your past control your future." I said. I pecked his lips and walked back inside.
I did my job as his woman and gave him advice and steered him in the right way. The rest is up to him.
