Don't Say Anything

65. Don't Kill Anybody

I don't remember ever falling asleep, but when I wake up, I'm in Will's bed. He must have carried me here last night. I don't recall anything past climbing down the roller coaster except crying and Will's gentle words. It's hard to believe yesterday even happened.

As usual, Will is up before me. I'm starting to doubt that he actually sleeps at all. He still looks exhausted, and the dark circles under his eyes draw my attention.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he says in an abnormally deep and scratchy voice. It's the kind of voice someone would have after their favorite concert or a bad cold.

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I tried. I just couldn't, with everything that happened yesterday."

I wish I could just delete yesterday from both of our memories, but I know I can't. It needs to be talked about whether I like it or not.

"I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am."

"Then don't," I say getting right to the point. "Saying it a thousand times isn't going to make a difference. All that matters is that you mean it."

There's a significant light brought back into his eyes. He was expecting me to run away, I know that. He didn't think I would forgive him, but he doesn't know how much I care about him. Even though there are times that I might get seriously pissed off, I can't imagine life without him anymore. I don't want him to take advantage of that. So, I'll keep it to myself for now.

"I mean it. Jessi, I swear I mean it. It killed me to see you walk away. I didn't think you would come back."

My hand instinctively reaches out to caress his face, and he leans into me.

"I'm back," I whisper and he closes his eyes with a sigh. I can't stay away from him, and although that excites me on one end, it frightens me on another. I don't like depending on people, and I can use what happened yesterday as a prime example. But, I'm learning how to deal with it, and there's no one else I'd rather be with than Will.

"You scared me half to death with that little stunt you pulled," he says referring to the roller coaster breaking.

"You deserved to me scared."

"There's that fiery girl I've been missing," he says with a slight smile.

"Have you talked to anyone yet?"

I know I don't really feel like dealing with my mom, or Leah, or anyone else at the moment. Fighting with Will was a big enough ordeal.

"No, I took you straight here from the amusement park. I think I earned bonus points for being able to drive with you on my lap."

"You could have put me in the passenger seat."

"You wouldn't let go of me." He opens his eyes and I look away embarrassed. I was so consumed in my own thoughts that I didn't even realize what was happening around me.

"I'm sorry," I mutter. Will takes my face in both of his hands to bring it back to his.

"Don't be sorry... ever. You're not allowed to be sorry again. What I did, keeping that secret from you, can justify for anything you could possibly be sorry for."

"Will-"

I try to move my eyes away from his burning passionate ones, but I can't.

"I'm serious. You have nothing to be sorry for." I try to say something but he interrupts me. "And no arguing on that."

"I thought I got to call the shots now."

"Well, think again Rosie."

I try not to smile, but fail miserably. My extreme anger for him seems to have disappeared into thin air, like it never existed. But then I think about Mom and my hatred towards life and everyone in it slowly builds up again.