Don't Say Anything

63. I Should Hate Him

I can't help the tears that run down my cheeks as I drive away from Will's house.

How could he? After everything we've done together and everything we've talked about. He told me I knew everything. He told me he wasn't keeping any secrets.

He lied. He lied straight to my face I don't know how many times, and it hurts. It hurts more than any pain I've ever felt.

And on top of that, Leah lied to me. She was supposed to be my friend, and instead she's employing my mother as a maid in her house.

And my mom. I can't even think about her without crying twice as much. She's been working for my boyfriend's family as Ethan's slave; and according to Ethan, has been cheating on my dad. She didn't tell me any of it. She didn't even try to get herself out of the situation. And she stole from them?! How many things can she do wrong? I trusted my mother almost to the same level I trusted Will, and now both of those things are tarnished.

If I can't trust Will, then who the hell can I trust?

No one.

I can't trust anyone. I knew something bad would happen if I started putting faith in people, and it did. I had no idea something this extreme would happen, but it sure puts things into perspective.

I have no idea where I'm driving, or what I'm going to do with Will's car, but I just need to get away.

He didn't even try to stop me from leaving. He didn't come after me. He doesn't care. He knows it's over. He's not even going to try, and that breaks my heart all over again. I could drive anywhere, because I know he's not following me. I debate about going to the dorms, but I don't feel like talking to Avery and Kira right now. They've always been skeptical about Will, especially Kira, because she has a little history with him, and their speculations ended up being right.

I don't think Will is the person I originally thought he was. I don't know who he is anymore.

It scares me that I'm more concerned about my relationship with Will than my own mother. That shows me that I'm in way too deep. It's not healthy how much I cared about him. How much I currently care about him. I should hate him. I should never want to see him again, but there's a small part of me that wished he would have tried to stop me; that wished he would have came after me. But now, even that part is broken.

Out of all the places I could have gone, I end up in front of the restaurant that I went to with Leah. I can't trust Will, I can't trust Leah, I can't trust my family, and I don't feel like getting a "I told you so" chat from my roommates, so this is the next thing I can think of.

I'm sure this is not at all what Travis meant when he said we should hang out. I'm still trying to control my tears and get a grip on my thoughts. He's probably working and doesn't want to hear about my problems. What was I thinking? I wasn't even good friends with him. He'll probably think I'm crazy for coming to him for comfort.

I've just been sitting in the parking lot staring at the steering wheel, and I hope that no one walked by and thought I was hallucinating or something. I start up the car, and just as I'm about to drive away, there's a tap on my window. I turn to see Travis staring at me with concerned filled eyes. As soon as he seems me, he disappears and a second later, he's in the passenger's seat of the car.

"Jessi, what the hell happened?" He says it with such sincerity that it makes me start sobbing all over again. I want Will to be saying that to me. I want Will to be the one I run to for comfort. But instead, he's the one I'm running from. 

"I-I just..." There's so much I could say. I'm upset for about ten different reasons. Even though, at the moment, it's Will who's on my mind, I don't want to tell Travis about Will lying to me. For some reason, I want Travis to approve of Will. I want everyone to approve of Will, even though I don't right now. And it doesn't make much sense that I'm reacting the way I am just because Will has been keeping this massive secret. It wouldn't be that big of a deal to most people, but I'm not most people.