Don't Say Anything

22. I Know

I wake up to the very light sound of rain and an empty room. I don't think I'll be going to classes today. Stats starts in ten minutes and there is no way I can make it in time. I'll just ask Avery for the notes later. We're probably not doing anything mandatory in Painting, so it won't kill anyone if I skip a day. I take my time getting up and walking downstairs. I don't remember what classes Will has today, besides Abstract Painting obviously, but I don't think he plans on going either. I find him in the kitchen eating cereal a few minutes later.

"Do you want some?" He asks shoving another spoonful in his mouth.

"No, I never really eat breakfast." He shrugs and continues eating.

"I'll take you back to the dorms as soon as I'm done," he mumbles with his mouth full.

I fill up a glass with water and sit down at a chair on the other side of the island.

"I don't want you to get the wrong idea," he says avoiding my eyes.

"About what?" There are so many things that could be misinterpreted from last night. 

"Everything," he says. "Especially the kiss," he adds and my heart drops. "I don't want you to think it means something. I kiss girls all the time. It doesn't mean shit." Of course it doesn't. What was I thinking that he might actually care for me in the same way that I care for him. He hooks up with different girls on a weekly basis. Just because it was my first kiss, doesn't mean it has any effect on him. Not that I would ever tell him it was my first kiss.

"I know," I say weaker than I intended.

"I don't date. I've already told you that."

"I know," I say again because I don't really know any other response.

"Okay, I was just making sure." He goes back to eating his cereal and I go back to running my finger around the rim of the glass.

"Can I ask you a question?" I say still staring at the glass.

"No, but I think you're going to ask it anyway." I take that as a yes.

"Why don't you date? I'm not trying to infer anything, I was just wondering." He puts down his spoon and just looks at his half eaten bowl before getting up to throw the rest down the garbage disposal.

"A lot of reasons," he says while cleaning up the rest of his breakfast. Something tells me that he normally just leaves it for Mary to clean up, but wants something to do so he avoids eye contact. "Dating leads to marriage, and marriage is fucked up." That's a pretty blunt accusation.

"Not all of them." My parents have been happily married for over twenty years, but I feel like it's not the best thing to bring up right now.

"Oh yes they are. More than you know, trust me." Was he inferring something about my parents?

"Just because all the marriages in your family are messed up doesn't mean that all of them in the world are." His back is turned to me and I see his shoulders tense as the words leave my mouth.

"What did you just say?" He asks dropping his bowl into the sink. Based on the loud crack that could be heard throughout the house, it's most likely broken.

"Y-You can't judge something like marriage just off of your own family, there's so much more-"

"This is why I can't tell you shit, because you think you know everything. Yeah, the relationships in my family are fucked up. Go ahead and rub that in my face some more. But, I'm not the only one. Almost every person I know who has gotten married has also gotten a divorce. Marriage is an unrealistic promise that two people who temporarily like each other make.