Elephant Girl

Chapter 13: Bringing Out My Past

Chapter 13: Bringing Out My Past

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---Abigail's POV---

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I have decided that I know how to fix my heart going insane every time Adam does something. How to fix the random thumping of my inner girly girl and my cheeks turning adds red as a burning bright rose in the dead of winter. How to fix my trembling fingers and such sure nature.

It used to work well when my father died but as school and utter grief drowned me, I could never get back to it. Ellis was always there for me yet now... there was nobody, nothing.

When I got home that day after school, I jogged up to my room.

Tossing my heels (which were actually quite comfortable, I know weird...) in my white panned closest.

I reach up on top of the closet and my fingers clasp the thick book filled with memories and bundled up times. My six, seven year old handwriting filling the pages. Sitting on the full yellow printed bed, I begin to flip through reading the simple entries.

Diary,

Momy and Dady and me went to the farmrs market today. We bot gren stuf and a yelo peper. It was fun. We went hom and mad chiken and saled. Ten, we plad a gam on the tv. I lov my famile.

I chuckled at my terribly horrendous spelling and continued to read, despite all my stupid mistakes as a child.

Diary,

I startd the 1st grad today. Dady tok me to IHOP after and I got the smilie pancake. Wit a lot of wip crem. It was good. Dady bot me an elipant today. He trid to kep it a sekret but I saw him. Its a preti elipant. I lik elipants.

I remember that. Daddy had bought the elephant with the toilet paper my mom had sent him to get but I saw him. He said it was nothing but I remember hoping it was for me. I had always loved elephants.

Diary,

I new the elipant was for me! Dady gav it to me yestrday on my 7 berthday. I lov it. We namd it Ellie togeher. I lov her and I lov Dady.

I smiled. I remember we were all gathered around the kitchen table when I had eagerly unwrapped Ellie. I remember my father's smile lighting up a million universes, my mothers shining hazel eyes filled with happiness and love.

I remember that feeling. That feeling of joy of waking up in the morning gleeful and prepared for the day as if it was my last. That feeling of comfort and care, the tears that never fell. The feeling of love and safety, satisfaction and gratefulness. That feeling of the full potential life we lived.

Water sprung into my eyes the moment I began to read the next entry.

Diary,

Dady left today. He had a bag and he kised us godbi. Momy sayed that he was going to figt for Amerika. Momy cried. I did to. I mis him alredi. I love Dady and I want him to be bac.

A single running tear slide down my cheek in escape from my eyes. Ten other entries were written before September 16th, the last entry written. The day my whole world fell apart. The day my mother picked up her first bottle. The day when there was no one there anymore. The day I became alone and unhappy.

Diary,

Dady is gone. Momy sayed hes not coming bac. She sayed that Dady went to se God in his hom. My Dady lovd God. I lov him to becas Dady lovd him. Now Dady is with him. I hop I se him agin soon. I rely miss him. I lov Dady.

I love Daddy. I miss him too. I miss him so much that my heart leaps into my throat every time I think about him. And not having Ellie really made that need and want hungrier. I let only a couple stray tears fall into my lap.

I shallow pain and sorrow into my chest and pick up a stray maroon pen from the floor. Flipping the pages, my hand starts to move in rhythm with the writing utensil. I let all my feelings and emotions flood the pages, filling every corner.

I let myself pour out onto the pages. I write in journal form, poems, short stories about my family, love, anything and everything. My hand feels like it's going to fall off but I write anyway.

The more I let out, the more I feel like I'm not drowning anymore. The more I feel like I can go through this crazy thing called life. The more I feel...free, sort of.

Crazy, I know.

And Adam, like a torrent of confusion, deluges my mind. I can't seem to focus when I'm around him. It's been around three weeks since I first made contact with him and he's driving me mad. My heart goes wild, my mind can't think straight. It must be the March winds.

Or maybe it's love, or not. I don't think it is. You can't fall for someone that quickly, that hurried and speeded. It's just not possible.

True love at first sight, true, but you can't fall for who they really are if you don't know them. I don't know Adam. I would love to get to know him but he's so distant. Walls standing solid, not moving for much.

What can break the walls he built for himself? Those indestructible walls that no one can surpass.

I shake my head as the sun wakes up. I didn't sleep at all. Too many thoughts, emotions, and problems I guess.

Or I was just to overwhelmed to close my eyes.

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Hey, short, I know. Sorry, but you should know me by now. Also, not edited. Sorry.

I'm writing a new story called Beauty in 3.0 Miles so...

Vote, comment, do your stuff:D

Love you guys!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox

~loverofwriting97