Fix A Heart. (Demi Lovato fanfic)

The Memory.

(Charlie's POV)

I stared at the shower wall, my body numb but my head ached. I couldn't believe all the things I told Dr. Michelson, he didn't need to know, and I knew he was just going to tell all the directors here so they can decide my meds and my schedule. I rinsed the bubbles off of my stomach and arms, the hot liquid relaxing on my skin. I let myself stand there, just letting the water cleanse me. I looked at my wrist and saw all the white lines, my hips now had scars to match. I haven't been able to add new ones in two weeks. Two weeks is too long to have this urge, too long to feel ashamed, and too long to go without a blade. I turned the water off and walked out of the shower, quickly grabbing a towel to cover myself. I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved Timberline Knolls shirt.

I had another therapy session in twenty minutes so I quickly ran to my dorm, I saw Brooke facing the window, she put a hand over her mouth the tilted her head back, as if swallowing something. "Brooke?" 

Brooke quickly turned around, her throat made a movement to indicate she had swallowed. "Hey Charlie." She answered in a shaky voice.

"Brooke what are you taking?" I asked and I scrunched up my eyebrows. We took the meds we were given by Timberline Knolls in front of the nurse who hands them to us in the little cups. "What are you doing?"

"Charlie, don't tell anyone okay? If you don't squeal I'll give you some." Brooke held out two white tablets, I stared at her hand and reached out. Before I took them I looked at her for an explanation. "They're calming pills, I got them smuggled in by my friend Malory when she comes to visit, I promise they're nothing hard core, just something to take the edge off, like smoking without the risk of cancer." I stared at her with a bit of shock, then back down at the tablets. I have been pretty stressed lately without being able to cut or purge. I snatched them up and gulped them down, then stared at Brooke again. "They should start working in about ten minutes, enjoy therapy." Brooke winked then walked out of the dorm. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a glimpse of someone I knew, what felt like long ago, in the mirror. A fragile, scared, little girl who just started to break stared back at me.

I walked into Dr. Michelson's office fifteen minutes later, five minutes early. Dr. Michelson looked up at me and smiled. "Eager to start are we?" He laughed. I just nodded, I could feel my head move up and down, I felt like I was moving sand from one end of a tray to the other. I sat down on the couch in his room and took deep breaths, I could feel my heart beat steadily, I felt peaceful. "Alright Charlie, since you have been doing so well I figured we should start to talk about some of your memories. I believe we should start with the memory of the first time Sandra let a man take advantage of you."

"Okay." I told him, my voice sounded very quiet, but Dr. Michelson looked at me as if I was talking the same as I always did. I felt my bliss start to leave my body as I searched my mind for that memory. "Well I was eight years old, Sandra had been bringing men home almost every night, I remember hearing her complain about income and how she needed more money. One night, she came into my room and..."

I sat on the bed I use to sleep on in Sandra's old apartment, a book in my hands. I heard a knocking on the door and got up quickly to open it, I saw Sandra standing there, her beautiful blue eyes staring down at me. "Hi mommy, what do you need?" 

"Hey baby girl, we need to have a little talk." Sandra scooped me up and I giggled, she sat down on the bed, me on her lap, and she started stroking my hair. "Honey, mommy lost her job today, so her night job is the only job she has left." I saw tears start to form in her eyes and they started trailing down her cheeks. 

I let my thumb go up and wipe her cheek "Don't cry mommy, I can help, I can go to work." I smiled. Sandra laughed like the noise of bells, I felt her fingers draw circles on my back. Soon the smile left her face and she looked at me with a sense of pain. "Mommy?"