Hello everyone, it's Kade here.
It's so good to be back, talking with you all from here: the ordinary, the mundane, the madness that is the real world – AKA Your world.
BUT, you know what I've discovered since our liberation?
Answer: I've found out that your world is full of monsters, too. And while I'm on the subject of monsters, we need to talk about Megan.
Megan isn't a monster!
You all know that, because Tan confessed about Megan to you in her last post on here #RealLifeMonsters.1.
You knew about Tan's problem with Megan before I did. In many ways I should be jealous of you, because I think Tan confides in you before she does me, obviously.
But I'm not jealous of you, because I know how much of a support you are to her – and me, of course. You guys rock!
No, Megan's no monster. But the feelings of jealousy she brought out in Tan, could have got pretty monstrous had Tan not opened up to me and spoken about how Megan and I made her feel.
I say Megan and I, because I was a part of the problem. I am guilty of flirting with her. I hold my hands up. Megan's a great looking girl, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the attention she gave me.
And I do lust a little on her; she's sexy, smart and makes me laugh. To be brutally honest, she makes me feel like a Regular Randy Andy. I'm a young, hot-blooded guy; of course she makes my dynamo hum.
But so does Tan. And I love Tan. I don't love Megan.
I wouldn't risk losing what we have over a furtive fumble with a hot girl. That's not the way my cookie crumbles, it's not how my rocket roars. Sure, I'll always look, but I'd never touch, not if that touch would risk what I have with Tan.
......
When Tan confessed her feelings to me, about what she saw between Megan and I, my heart broke. Because in her update wherein she told you about her green eyed monster, she didn't tell you the whole story. She left a fundamental part out, the bit about me.
The thing is, I'm battling with my own real life monster.
It's a monster that has been following me for quite a while now, and stupidly I ran away from it, rather than confront it the way Tan did, hers. I guess hiding from monsters is a guy thing.
This monster stopped me being intimate with Tan; it loomed large and stood between us, keeping me apart from her, physically.
And my sudden lack of intimacy coincided with my flirtatious interactions with Megan. In retrospect, I think the flirting helped to take my mind of the monster for a few moments.
But back at home; I made excuses not to be intimate with Tan, frightened that she'd find 'it!'
So, you can imagine why my dear Tan felt paranoid and jealous. She assumed I no longer found her hot and desirable – which is just NOT the case.
......
But I couldn't hide the monster from Tan any longer. And like all monsters, it crept up on her, just after midnight about a week ago.
It was after Tan let it all out, all her feelings and fears about my flirting with Megan and how it coincided with me going off of her, intimately. I listened to her with understanding. But still I couldn't bring myself to talk about the monster, I bowed my head, a reaction that Tan read the wrong way, "You want to be with her, don't you?" She asked.
When I lifted my head, she saw the fear in my face, "Tell me Kade, I'd rather you be honest with me, I can take the truth. Don't be frightened to tell me," she said.
Still, I said nothing.
Instead, I took her by the hand and led her to our bedroom. Because I felt that my actions would speak louder than my words.
I began to make love to her.
And it was during our love making that Tan found it, the monster that had been tormenting me for over a month, "Kade, what's this?" She asked, alarmed.
"I don't know," was my honest answer.
"Is this why you've been avoiding being intimate with me?" She asked, with tears in her eyes.
Then I saw the fear in her eyes, the same fear that I felt when I first found it – a lump in my testicle.
A lump that I ignored and ran from, hoping it would go away.
But it didn't go away; it got bigger.
And I'm scared.
We're scared.
Although Tan won't admit to being scared, I know she is.
......
It's the waiting for the results that's the worst thing.
And our anxiety is of course compounded by the fact that we may discover this could be The Surgeon's last laugh, as it were. You know, like I was implanted with some kind of timed tumor.
Tan doesn't believe this to be the case. But in many ways, I wish it were. Because I could understand that and deal with it. I'd be really pissed, if after what Tan and I have endured and survived, fate turns round and deals me the beast that's the BIG C!
Anyways, all we can do is remain positive and wait for the results of the biopsy. And if it is Cancer, then we'll deal with it.
Tan and I are a tough, tight team; I think it's safe to say we can handle any real world problem that's thrown at us.
.......
I want to leave you on a positive note; to share a little secret with you. Tan and I want to continue sharing our journey with you (I certainly don't want to leave you wondering about my diagnosis for too long.)
So we will start a new blog, sometime soon.
As you can see from the #RealLifeMonsters that have visited Tan and I in the relatively short time since our liberation, we still have lots to share with you. And we both believe that sharing our story will help with our Post Traumatic stress Disorder and/or Cancer or any other stresses that the world throws at us.
And in telling our story, we hope that we may help you in some small way.
However our new blog, might be on another platform, but I will be back soon to give you more details, here.
In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed that my lump turns out to be nothing more than a benign ball bump.
Much love
Kade XXX
