For those of you reading 'The Lady' you'll know that I'm somewhat under scrutiny at the moment.
And rightly so.
Kade has opened my box of secrets.
I discovered this fact when I powered up early this morning. However, he seems to have removed only one photograph, which revealed he and Tanya met as children. The rest of the contents remain undisturbed.
Little Kelvin has re-secured the box and put it a way in a safe place.
_ _ _
If Kade had looked further into the box, the next thing he would have discovered would have been a small toy.
One of those little novelty 'Grow-your-own-boyfriend, type toys. You may know of them, there are many types, like: Grow-your-own-monster, etc – when placed in water they expand up to 500% of their original size.
I'm sure Kade would have looked at it and thought – 'so what – what does this mean?'
Out of context, it means nothing; he'd probably just think I was keeping it as one would a sentimental gift.
BUT – if he'd have delved deeper, he would have discovered something else.
Kade would have learned that these 'Expandable Water Toys' were my brainchild. My concept.
It was my idea to use the absorbent polymers that were first used in feminine sanitary napkins, as quirky novelty toys.
I devised and created a whole range of 'Grow-in-water-toys' and it was my vision to commercialize them and bring them to the lucrative toy market.
BUT – in order to get a concept from idea to market, you need capital. Money – and quite a lot of it. Money Kelvin and I didn't have, at the time.
But, The Surgeon had lots of money.
And to my eternal regret I took her money to take my toys to market. But this also meant that The Surgeon and I were now partners, business partners.
Legally and professionally, The Surgeon and I were on the same page.
Sometimes, good people do bad things. And my entering into Business with The Surgeon was a very bad thing. Although, I didn't realize it at the time, I was too seduced by our success.
I fear many of my ideas are still being used and developed by the dark imaginations of The Lady and her team. Who knows what atrocities they may use my Grow-Toys for?
_ _ _
I will tell Kade and Tanya 'some' details of their meeting. I'll also tell them about my Grow-Toy-Technology. But that is all.
You see, 'some' secrets need to remain just that – until the time is right to reveal them.
I say 'some' for I will share another with you, here, today.
That said, it's not so much a secret, it's more of an announcement.
For quite sometime now, I have been discussing (behind the scenes) the possibility of partaking in a procedure, a medical procedure, right here, in London.
Today, I've been given the green light: the authority, facilities and medical team to go ahead with the procedure.
I'm nervous.
But excited.
I'm a little apprehensive about it.
But sure about it at the same time – which I know, doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
In telling you, I'm verifying it. Because when I tell you, it means I have to do it.
I'm a woman of my word, a principled woman. I won't go back on what I've committed to do. I'm a woman of conviction.
I'm telling you all, before I tell my children: Kade and Kelly.
Consider yourselves quite privileged to hear it first.
_ _ _
There's a huge risk in what I'm going to do. Which is why I wanted to keep the fact from my children, I know they would do all in their power to dissuade me.
You see, dear readers, I'm going back.
Not back over seas. No, my brain is going back where it belongs, in my head.
My body is being flown back from overseas. It's due back next week and then it will be all systems go. I know Kade, especially, will be: angry, upset, and frightened for me.
But I have no other option. I can't continue to live like this. Having no physical self is not only a continual torture for me; it's also a burden for everyone else.
I sometimes see how trapped they feel by me. They can't just take off, as the equipment and facilities needed to keep my brain alive need constant care and attention.
This is why you'll notice that I have been keeping myself powered down a lot, recently. I've been doing this to lessen my burden on everyone.
Yet, at the same time, they need to hear my thinking, my intelligence, so I feel guilty for my frequent powering down.
This is my only option.
Also, I want to hold my children again, feel their warmth, their hearts beating. I want to wipe away their tears and hug in their fears.
The truth is, I'd rather die than not have this second chance.
_ _ _
Of course, the odds are stacked against me, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you of the multitude of complexities in trying to re-install a human brain into it's cryogenically preserved body.
Even if the procedure is a success, I can't be assured that all my bodily functions will resume to normal. We're entering the high end of medical and scientific experimentation here.
In many ways, we are continuing The Surgeon's work.
But I refuse to look at it like that. Instead, I prefer to see it as us reversing her wrongdoing.
If my procedure is a success, then I will completely over turn The Surgeon's wrong, by doing the right thing.
As a fully able bodied human being, the time will be right – to reveal to my children and you, dear readers, the further 'secrets' concealed in the silver box; unless of course, Tanya beats me to it.
Tanya has a strong gift for recollection; all it takes is a prompt, a visual prompt, like that picture, to stir up long forgotten childhood memories.
My hope is that Kade doesn't show it to her, not until I get to speak with him first.
But right now, I must power down – I need to conserve energy for my procedure.
