Tyler and I are soon joined by three girls. Nervously they walk towards us, their faces are clouded with confusion. I smile at them, and they return tentative smiles. They glance at our foreheads, and Tyler and I stare at there's: T3, T4, T5.
We remain silent, partly because we don't know what to say, but wholly because there are no words to describe or articulate this place, this situation that we are in. There is too much to take in and my own brain is whirring trying to compute this new-place that we've been put in.
......
And behind the glass wall the city continues to pulse with people who gather to stare at the five of us. Now that there's five of us, at least there's a certain pressure off Tyler and I, we are now not the only odd fish in the tank.
I scan the crowd desperately wanting to see Kade and have him make sense of this situation. But, all I see are people bemused by the sight of us. And although the crowds consist of people of differing ages, colour, ethnicity and size, I become aware of a similarity in them all – every face carries the same expression: puzzled.
It is though the entire city of Chicago have stopped dead in their tracks to collectively solve a puzzle that has been put to them.
......
The Sound of scraping metal from behind causes all five of us to spin around, defensively. I relax a little when I see it is two young men being released from a holding-box. Wordlessly they walk towards us their foreheads branded: T6, T7.
T6 looks at me and exclaims loudly, "It's you, Tanya – the girl who was transitioned by the infamous Surgeon, way back when I was about fourteen or so!" I'm about to reply, but we're all silenced by a searing sound that causes us all to protect our ears. The sound stops, replaced by the male voice – "You reside in the Grade-3-Margin, and as such, you must NOT refer to each other by your previous names, you shall address each other by your relevant branding: T6, do you understand this?" he asks.
T6 nods his head and shouts aloud, "Understood loud and clear!" The male voice replies, "Any further breaking of this rule will result in significant loss of privileges for all inhabitants of the Grade-3-Margin."
......
Outside, people acknowledge each other with knowing smiles. It's clear to me that they're being informed of things withheld from us here in our Grade-3-Margin. It's almost like we are entertainment for them.
For my own sanity I turn away from that side of the city and take in this place we are in. The street is familiar to me. I walk towards the gay bar that was famed in the city for its Karaoke Nights. I push the door, it's open – I go inside hoping to hear a great crescendo of conversation, laughter and song. But no, the bar is filled with empty silence.
The door bangs behind me, turning I see Tyler has entered, and I'm about to say his name before I quickly check myself and say, "T1, it's you." A quivering smile flickers across his face, "This place all feels weird without the usual crowd," he says. I nod, "Were you a regular?" He looks around the empty space, "I sure was." I follow his gaze, "Kade and I never went to bars," I say.
"I know."
"How'd you know?"
He turns his focus to me, "Because I never saw you in any bars, simple."
A sudden feeling of sadness washes over me and I spill words, "Kade and I lost so much of our youth. We never had a social-circle of friends to go to bars with, or football games, nor concerts. Instead, we were constantly battling to live an ordinary life." The truth hits me with a shivering chill, "And we've lost the final battle, they've won the war and this is our new-normal."
The chill leaves me and I feel a warmth – I am cocooned in Tyler's warm embrace.
And rather than remove myself, I stay – until the door flies open and we both stand to attention. It's the guy branded T6. He looks embarrassed, "Sorry, have I disturbed something?" he asks. I jump in, "Not at all, it's not what it looks like," I say. The atmosphere changes, it's awkward, even though we've nothing to be awkward about.
T6 shuffles and mumbles, "Erm, sorry, erm, I mean, I guess I'm a little star-struck by you." He points to the door, "And erm, I wanted to come tell you, that erm, what I want to say is, I saw Kade out there, on the other side of the glass wall." He pauses, then continues, "But I guess you'd rather stay here," he raises his hand, "I promise not to mention anything about you two, like, you guys have my word," he says, as though he's trying to hide a secret that we don't have.
I put him on the right track, "T6, we are friends only, T1 one was comforting me the way friends do."
"Sure," he says, his one word response and the way he delivers it tells me he doesn't believe me. He points behind him again, "Like I said, Kade's in the crowd, you might want to wave: hi."
This time it's my time to say, "Sure."
I walk for the door.
......
Back on our designated street, I scan the crowd.
And there, like a beacon of light is my beloved Kade waving wildly at me. I see him thrust through the crowd towards me and I bristle with dread. Instinctively I hold my hand and shout, "No Kade, please stay where you are – I beg you!"
He doesn't hear me.
The on-coming truck smacks into him – wiping him away from me.
My heart sinks along with my head.
I'd hoped Tyler and I would survive this situation – yet, it's my Kade who is its first victim.
