The suicidal boy I mean everything to.

Chapter 43. End.

As I looked in the mirror, I smoothed down the plain black dress I was wearing. I had curled my hair and tied the two sides of them to the back holding it away from my face. The only thing that's worse than running mascara, is running mascara in your hair.
"Ell? You've been in there an hour? I know I let you stay here to get ready, but this isn't my place and you need to hurry."
"Of course. I'm coming." I forced out, my voice sounding hoarse and croaky. The truth is, I'd been crying all morning. It's always hard to say goodbye. I took one last glance in the mirror before I stepped toward the door. I opened it to a sad looking Zack.
"I always get sad when you're sad." I smiled at his sweetness. He gave me a hug and I gripped tightly into his jacket, almost as if it were to stop me from falling. Falling into a depression like my fathers or a spiral like my brothers.
"Are you ready?" Zack asked stroking my back.
"As ready as I can be." I sniffled.
"You don't have to go." He whispered.
"I do, it's just, he didn't live to his full potential, you know?" I asked. He nodded and hugged me again. I stepped downstairs and said goodbye to Zack's parents. They let me stay last night, they knew how tough today was going to be for me and they knew Zack had to be there for me. I stepped outside and met Amber and Chris. They gave me crestfallen looks. Only a few days ago they lost their baby. She was supposed to be a beautiful baby girl, her name was supposed to be Faith. But she didn't make it.
"Hey guys, how are you both feeling?" I asked them.
"We're okay; but today we should be asking you that." Chris said pulling me into a hug and giving me a kiss on the cheek. Amber then pulled me into a hug and kissed me on the other cheek.
"I'm okay, at least, I will be." I smiled weakly. I got in the front of Amber's mother's car. Amber sat next to me and started the car. Chris and Zack stayed silent in the back.
"Is Blake meeting us there?" Amber asked me. I nodded and whispered yes, it was so inaudible I don't think she heard me. She didn't repeat the question anyway. We pulled up outside. I stepped out the car and saw a sea full of people, all dressed in the appropriate traditional black. Some I recognised, some I didn't. Old and new faces, each with the same look of sadness and regret in their face. We all could've done something, but we didn't. It's like a rock in the road, it's there but we all drive around it or turn around to avoid it. I walked through the crowed sending a few people some forced smiles. I got inside and went to the bathroom. I went straight to the sink. I took one look in my reflection, my dress and I cried. I shouldn't have to wear this dress so much. I wear it only for funerals, I wear it too often. I wish it was at the back of my wardrobe gathering dust. I wish no one had died. Heck, I wish I didn't even have a reason to have bought this. But I do, and it hasn't been collecting dust because I needed to wear it. I let out a sob and held the edge of the sink. I let out another sob, a little louder than the first one. I dropped my head down to avoid looking at the emotional wreck I had become.
"Ellen? Someone wants to see you." Amber said. I wiped my tears and stepped out the door.
"Jake?" I asked as I saw him stood in a tuxedo looking rather dashing.
"Hey." He smiled sympathetically.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"To support you, despite our differences, and everything that's happened, I still care about you, I love you like a sister. Even if you won't be my sister because my bastard of a brother can't treat you right." He came closer and engulfed me in an embrace. I wrapped my arms around him, I recognised his expensive cologne.
"Is that... Armani?" I asked.
"Curtesy of my father. He doesn't know me but he knows how to spend money." He smiled.
"At least you got two good things from him."
"Two?"
"Money and a company to take over." I said as I finally let go of him.
"Yeah I guess. I know Jason couldn't make it, but he wanted to say he was sorry. For everything and what you're going through." I just nodded. I said goodbye to Jake, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading to the back of the room where I found Blake.
"Come here," he whispered as I fell into his arms and cried again. He stroked my back avoiding my hair.
"It'll be alright." He whispered.
"And if it's not?" I asked.
"It will be." He said. "It's time to go in." He said pointing at the doors. I nodded and entered. I sat in my seat. The ceremony began. I didn't hear anything anyone said, I became numb. I didn't even cry, I just couldn't do anything. After it all I just stepped outside by myself.
"Hey, you probably can't hear me, but if you can, I want you to know I love you. It's not over yet, I'm not done here. I may struggle to move on from this, but you'll always be in my heart. No matter what I do. Fly high my angel. I'll see you soon." I sat on the floor by the plaque laid down for him. I traced the words with my finger.
"Ell? Are you okay?"
"Huh? Yeah I'm... I'm fine." I whispered.
"What does it say? Sorry I wasn't here earlier to support you."
"It says: here lies Arthur Mitchell. Loving husband, brother, son and father. Together at last." I whispered.
"It's right next to my mother's plaque. Guess they will be together forever." I smiled.
"Of course they will. Just like you and me." He smiled.
"Forever and ever." I smiled standing up to greet him.
"I'm really sorry I wasn't here earlier."
"Bennet, it's fine, I had my brother and Zack. Also Amber and Chris. At least you're here now." I kissed him and then held him tightly.
"Do you really think you're ready to say goodbye?" He asked me.
"No one ever is."
"No one?"
"Nope." I popped the p.
"Hey Ell?" He asked.
"Yeah?" I responded.
"I love you." He smiled.
"I love you too." I kissed him slowly.
"So do you want to go get some pizza before the wake?" He quizzes. I smiled at him and jumped in his arms.
"I have the best boyfriend ever!" I squealed.
"You know how cheesy you sound right now?"
"Yep, and I don't care." I smiled before kissing him.
I kissed Bennet, the suicidal boy I mean everything to.
And for once, I know I'm okay. I know everything, for once, was okay. I always will be okay, as long as he is mine.