The suicidal boy I mean everything to.

Chapter 7. Neither of us fully clothed.

Chris and Amber finally finished with 8 minutes left. They approached me and I was still alone. They held each others hands, for support I guess and they were smiling, I hoped they both agreed on a decision. The suspense could kill, I stood up and I looked at them.
"Where's Matt and Zack?" Chris asked, I looked around me to see if I could see them. I could not.
"Matt needed to clear his head and Zack went to find him, so what are you going to do?" I asked, I was trembling and I couldn't stand still. I was nervous and it's not as if it's to do with me.
"We are going to keep it." The very words I didn't want to hear. I love Amber, she was my best friend but I don't want her to miss out on life because she has a child. I knew they weren't ready. Amber can't even decide what she wants for lunch, let alone how to cope with a child. The world began to spiral out of control and my breathing hitched in my throat.
"You're sure about this?" I managed to get out. I wanted to sound confident, I wanted to sound prepared. But I wasn't confident, I wasn't prepared. They both nodded and smiled. I tried to smile back, really I did. But how can you smile when everything you planned gets obstructed. No University together. No apartment together. No all girls holiday together. That sounds so selfish, but I don't care. I am literally having one of my best friends ripped away from me because of one mistake. One stupid mistake.
"Okay, when you guys get home, tell your parents but no one else. I'll go find Zack and Matt." I walked in the complete opposite direction Matt and Zack left in. The truth is, I don't want to speak to anybody, this was too much to wrap my head around. I kept my head down and walked to my next class, I had 3 minutes to wait but I'm sure my science teacher wouldn't mind if I went in early. I stepped in the class room and took my seat. I took one shaky breath before I heard someone step in the class. I shot my head up and saw a tall figure in black jeans and a leather jacket stood before me.
"They're keeping it, aren't they?" He asked. I nodded and put my chin in my hands to support me.
"Zack, what do we do?" He took in some oxygen and looked up.
"Like you said, we support them." Zack was right, we had to support them. We had no other choice if we wanted to be the best friends we could be.
"Did you find Matt?" I asked as he walked towards me and sat next to me. He looked over at me.
"No, I don't know where he went but there was no sign of him anywhere." I nodded. We remained silent, even through the lecture. Zack offered to drive me home but I thought I'd walk, I know it's a little while but I needed the air, space and thinking time. I walked all the way home with my Imagine Dragons playlist on shuffle. I could never get enough of their music. From Radioactive to Rocks or The Fall, they were just hands down the best band for me.
When I got home, the first thing I did was check to see if anyone was around. No body was so I made myself a smoothie and stared at the wall, I noticed the small tear in the wall paper. I smiled at the small memory. I remember it was my 7th birthday and I was having a party. It was my brother, he had this toy dinosaur that he was playing with. He fell over and tore the wallpaper. He thought he'd get into so much trouble so he tried to hid it. For a whole week no body noticed. I wanted to forget all the memories I have of my mum before she died. I don't want to remember but I can't help it. Each time I think of her, it hurts a little bit more. I hate the memories but I just can never get enough of how happy they make me feel at the same time. I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn't realise my brother stood in front of me.
"Blake, when did you get home?" He looked at me for a little while, he didn't look drunk, he looked lost.
"I can't find her." He said. I didn't want this to happen, but I guess it was. My brother has Schizophrenia, he sees things and isn't always himself. Literally. Sometimes he thinks he is someone else, sometimes he thinks he is his past or future self. But it can be extremely difficult to deal with.
"Who can't you find?" I asked him. I spoke slowly to ensure he understood me.
"Ellen, I can't find her, who are you?" He asked. I stood up and put my bag on the floor.
"I'm Ellen, Blake. Remember?" He frowned and I guided him to sit down. I dug through my bag and found my bottle of water. I handed it to him and he drunk a little bit.
"I don't." He said staring at the exact same spot I was a second ago. I guess he could never get enough either. He probably won't admit it, but he hurts too.
"Why don't you have a nap, I'll find Ellen if she is still missing." He nodded and put the bottle on the floor before laying down and shutting his eyes. I don't think I can deal with another day like this anymore. I put my coat on and walked to the dock which was only a 5 minute walk from my house. I sat on the dock and stared at the lake. It was so perfect and so gentle.
"Long day?" I turned and saw Matt. I smiled finally finding where he'd got to.
"Yeah well, Amber isn't my only trouble at the moment." He sat next to me. He looked at me with sincere eyes.
"Can you elaborate on that?" He asked, I could tell he was treading carefully. The thing with me and Matt was, we had a small history. Small but it was there. Back in the summer after I broke up with Jason, apart from Zack, he was one of the only people there for me. I didn't tell Amber because she was away (probably at the cabin now that I think about it.) it was one night though when I received an abusive text from one of Jason's friends that left me in tears. Zack wasn't in the country so I went to the only person I knew, Matt. We had a chat and all but one thing led to another and before I knew it, I woke up in his bed and let's just say neither of us fully clothed. He woke up before me and left me breakfast and I showered at his place before I left.
The week after that he turned up to my doorstep and when I opened it, he kissed me desperately, I pulled away and frowned at him.
He told me that this was just like the other night when I needed him, it was kind of a stress relief I guess. So I just kissed him back. Like the week before, we woke up later neither of us fully clothed. It went on for a few weeks and it was really... Nice? Yeah. Nice. But that brings us here and we haven't ended up not fully clothed together in about a week. I guess you could say it still happens but not a lot.
"I... I'm just having a tougher time than normal at home again." He nodded. He put his arm over me and held me tightly.
"You know I'm always here." He told me. I smirked.
"Your penis or you?" I asked smirking. He laughed a little.
"Both." We smiled at each other. He pulled my hair away from my face.
"Skinny dipping?" He asked.
I smiled cheekily.
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I've casted Amber as Phoebe Tonkin, but feel free to make your own decisions.