The suicidal boy I mean everything to.

Chapter 20. What I said I felt wasn't what I always meant.

Ell's POV.

It was a lovely weekend and I wouldn't change it for the world but I had to go home, I had to find out what's going on with my brother and dad, also I need to fix everything with everyone else. Make sure they know I didn't have sex and then explain what's going with my dad and brother to them. The whole ride back was silent. Neither of us said anything. We spent a little while at the beach and went back to the hotel. We packed our things and loaded up the car. We pulled up outside my house and to my surprise, I saw Matt's car, Zack's motorbike and Amber's mum's car. Amber must have left her car somewhere or something, I wasn't quite sure.
"Thanks for the weekend, it really means a lot that I got to spend time with you." I said quietly.
"That's okay, I'll catch up with you later, yeah?" He said. I nodded and got out the car, I grabbed my bags and waved goodbye to Bennet as he drove off. I sighed, something was up with him, I can't think what though, he took a few phone calls and answered texts in private but everything else he did with me, I wasn't sure if it was my fault. I stepped into an almost empty house. When I shut the door I heard a loud shouting of "she's home!!" And everyone ran over to me. I was instantly wrapped in a thousand arms and I couldn't untangle myself.
"Guys! It's been 3 days!" They eventually all got off me. I looked at each of them, they were all smiling but one. Matt. Matt wasn't smiling, Matt was doing the opposite of smiling.
"Right. We have all got a bit of catching up to do, but I think I'll let you girls go talk about tampons and make up while we finish watching the game, sound good?" Zack suggested, I smiled at him and winked before being dragged away by Amber into the kitchen.
"Details! Details! Details!!! Was it big?!?" Amber squealed. I laughed.
"We didn't have sex." I said her face dropping.
"Well that's disappointing." She laughed.
"Anything to tell me?" I said to her. She pulled a thinking face for a bit, but then her face lit up.
"Right, basically, me and Chris told my parents and they aren't exactly proud but they said they will support me, we told Chris's dad and he seemed proud but his mum was well angry, she started yelling at him but then when I said it was my idea to keep it and that my parents said they'd help she kind of accepted it better. She still isn't happy but she is allowing it, but for now Chris is having to stay at his dad's because his mum doesn't want him there and this is like the first time Matt and Chris have been split and it's really strange for them both."
"Wow." I laughed, I got down two mugs from the cupboard, there was only about 6 of each thing left. I had no idea where everything else was, I thought I'd call my brother later on, but he can survive a little while surely. I made two cups of coffee and handed one to Amber.
"So, have you thought about names or if you want to know the gender?"
"I thought about it and I want to know the gender, but I have one girls name and two boys. For a girl I was thinking Gem, for a guy I was thinking either Jacob or Mitchell."
"Mitchell?" I asked. Why Mitchell? I mean that's my last name and she hasn't exactly had anything to do with any Mitchell's before.
"Yeah, me and Chris thought that we had to name it after you, because you're one of the strongest people we've ever met and you helped us get through this so its kind of like a way of saying thank you." She smiled. I took a sip from my coffee.
"Mitchell Hill, has a nice ring to it if you ask me." I smiled at her.
"I hope I'm not interrupting." Matt said quietly, I turned around and made quick eye contact with him. But he stared at the floor.
"It's fine, I'll just go see how Chris is." Amber said awkwardly. Matt walked over to the tap and filled up a cup of water, he took a long drink and filled it again. I stood silently and watched him. He put the glass in the sink and went to walk past me. I put my hand on his chest to stop him.
"Matt, please talk to me." I said to him. He didn't even look at me, he looked past me, like I wasn't even there.
"What is there to talk about." He said mono tone, it hurt me to know he was upset, I know we have a friends with benefits thing and majority of those are no strings attached but I do care about Matt.
"You know what there is to talk about, Matt please, we need to fix this." He looked at me finally, his eyes burning with hurt and rage.
"Well it just hurts you know! The fact that you go to a party you have sex with me and then you fuck off with someone else! Why would you do that?" He began shouting but in the end he went quiet.
"Matt, it's not supposed to mean anything and you were the one who said that! And besides, me and Bennet didn't even have sex, you are the last person I have had sex with!"
"Wait, you guys didn't?"
"No. I spoke to him and he stopped me." Matt took a deep breath in.
"Oh. I... I'm sorry I guess, I thought you guys-you know."
"No." He sighed deeply and hugged me. I hugged him back and we stood there hugging for a minute.
"Matt?" He pushed himself away and looked at me as if to carry on.
"Where you jealous? Is that why you freaked out?" He bit his bottom lip.
"I guess what I said I felt wasn't what I always meant."