The suicidal boy I mean everything to.

Chapter 37. Blame.

It's been 3 months since the party, and Christmas was coming up. For once it actually snowed a lot, I hated snow. It's cold and it's wet and icy and a lot of other things I don't like. My plan to repay Jake hadn't been working until recently, I let Jason in on the plan so he could help me with a few details. Finally the last day of school had arrived before the Christmas break, me and Amber decided to go to a small coffee shop after school and get some caramel lattes and discuss baby names. She'd had a few scans and had a due date, her and Chris even know the gender but they won't tell anyone.
It was the end of 3rd period and I was just walking out onto the courtyard. I found Amber, Chris and Zack. Matt has changed. He doesn't hang out with us anymore, ever since we decided it was a friend thing he went a bit off, but then when I started re-dating Jason he went down hill. I can't help but blame myself, if I hadn't of kissed him in the summer then we wouldn't have slept together and none of this would have happened. I see him outside the gates, he'll be stood there with his new friends and they're smoking, some of them have drugs on them, I try not to think about it because it is all my fault.
"Hey Zack, don't you think it's a bit sad how I've got Jason and Amber has Chris and you have no one?" Amber spoke.
"Well, I've been thinking about having a relationship, but before I do, I need to be sure."
"Sure of what?" I asked curiously.
"I think... I think I like guys." Zack whispered in my ear and Amber and Chris' earshot.
"Serious?" Chris said. Zack nodded his head.
"That's great! Omg!" Amber screeched. "I heard Riki has the hots for you." She whisper yelled.
"Really?" Zack smiled.
"Yeah." She said.
"Are you going to eat those?" Zack asked me peering at my chips.
"No it's fine, you eat them." I smiled.
"What's up Ell, you look down?" Chris asked and "yeah, you haven't eaten much either, is everything alright?" Amber agreed.
"Nothing, I miss it when it was 5 of us here." Chris looked down. Him and Matt don't live together still so the only time they see each other is at football practice and games.
"We all do." Amber gave me a reassuring smile. She knows how much I blame myself.
"Is that it? There seems to be a bit more on your mind." Zack mumbled with concern lining his voice.
"Me and Blake are only just finishing off with dads stuff, now we have to plan the cremation. I'm not sure if I'm ready to say goodbye yet." I choked out.
"No one ever is, Princess, but I'm always going to be here for you." I heard the other side of me as Jason sat down and kissed me on the cheek. I brightened up with his presence, and a wide grin set across my face. Zack's face turned sour. For the first 2 months Zack and Jason tried to get on well, the third month they could be seen as friends. But the last two weeks, Zack keeps pushing the idea that Jason is cheating on me.
"I'll be right back." I whispered.
"Yeah, I need to do something real quick." Jason said as he and I began standing up and walking away, I walked towards Bennet.
"Hey Bennet?" He turned around and looked at me.
"I need to ask you something." I said and he nodded walking away from his friends and towards me.
"What's up?"
"Me and my brother are cremating my dad and he wants to be on a beach. I was wondering if you could give me a price as to how much it would cost for me and Blake to stay at your uncles hotel?"
"For you? Free, it's not his anymore remember." He smiled. Me and Bennet were talking properly again which is good, we got talking at his 18th birthday party and we rekindled. Now that he is 18, he has taken over the business of the hotel, not fully obviously. His uncle still runs it, but Bennet owns it.
"Seriously? You'd do that for me?"
"Of course I would." He chuckled. I swung my arms around him and squeezed him tightly.
"Thank you so much!! I could kiss you right now!" I squealed as I looked at him. He leaned in and went to kiss me.
"Do it then." He whispered huskily in my ear. I was edging closer but then I pulled away.
"Bennet, I'm with Jason."
"I know, but-"
"But nothing Bennet, we have chemistry and everything, but I won't cheat on Jason. Just like he wouldn't cheat on me."
"Are you sure about that?" Bennet said to me pointing behind me. I turned around and behind me Jason was kissing a girl he assured me was 'just a friend'. Zack was right.
"Ell? Are you okay?" Bennet asked me as he put a hand on my shoulder.
"No, I'm not, you'll have to excuse me Bennet. I'll be back in a minute." I smiled sweetly before walking in Jason's direction.
"You disgusting, pathetic excuse for a boyfriend!!" I screamed as I pulled him off of this girl.
"Ell.. I was.. Just checking-"
"What if she had tonsillitis? Checking with your tongue?" I shouted louder.
"I can't believe it! I gave you a second chance and you do this?" I cried, my eyes beginning to burn. "Jake was right, you're an asstown. And Zack was right, you never loved me!" I said before kicking him in his 'genital area' as hard as I could and turning my back. I heard him crumple over in pain and I smiled at my work. But I knew all I wanted to do was cry. I looked over to Zack who was talking to Riki, Chris and Amber had vanished and I didn't know where to go. So I ran back to Bennet. He saw me coming and prepared himself. I flung myself on him holding him as I sobbed into his shirt. He was stroking the back of my head and held my waist. Jason must have recovered at least enough to walk over here.
"Ell, it wasn't what it looked like, I'm so sorry."
"Fuck off Jason, don't you think you've done enough?" Bennet growled as he tightened his grip around me. I must be an idiot. Jake was right. He is an ass. Not just an ass. An asstown. Zack was right that he never loved me, why would you hurt someone you love?
"But Ell I-"
"Are you deaf and stupid? Or just the latter? Fuck off now, before I make you." Bennet growled lower than the first time. I heard Jason sigh before his footsteps walked away.