The suicidal boy I mean everything to.

Chapter 4.- Loud noises filled my head.

Are you tired now?
"A little bit."
I will let you sleep, goodnight Ell.
"Goodnight Bennet." I ended the phone call that we ended up having instead of texting. I put my phone on charge and left it on my desk. I stared at the wall until I fell into a hazy sleep.

"Mummy, I don't want you to go!" I cried. My mum left a lot but that doesn't make it any easier. She was leaving. It was a long way from here, especially to an 8 year old.
"I have to go baby, but you stay here with daddy and I'll be back before you know it." She pushed my light ginger hair out of my face gently. She kissed my forehead and hugged me tight. She looked me in the eyes. I looked back into her ice blue ones that melt when she sees me or Blake but I've never seen them melt so much when she saw my dad. They loved each other so much. She walked out the door that day. I didn't know she wouldn't ever come back. I didn't know that she would break my brother. I didn't know she would change my father so much. But it happened. I can't change that. I watch her drive away and then I turned around. I was at her funeral again. Loads of people were there. But I wanted her, I looked up at my dad.
"Don't cry Sweetie."
"I'm not crying." My dad began wiping tears from my face that never fell. I wasn't crying. I was confused. I wasn't shedding a tear and no body was listening to me. I could faintly hear my sobs despite my lack of cries.
"Oh poor sweetie!" My aunt hugged me. People were staring at me and giving me sympathetic looks and my dad apologetic looks. My dad kept telling me to stop crying, my aunt wouldn't leave me alone, I could hear everyone talking about me, see them staring. I heard glasses smashing and classical music. The violins getting louder and the glasses breaking more frequently. People talking above 200 decibels. My aunt was now shaking me asking me the same question over and over again. Why won't you stop crying?
"I'M NOT CRYING!!!" I screamed.

I woke up breathing heavy and with watery eyes. I sighed and checked the time. 5:23 am. Well I won't get back to sleep. Besides in only an hour loss. I took a shower and blow dried my hair. It was naturally straight so I don't have to straighten it. I got dressed in a white blouse with a black cardigan over the top. I brought my pink scarf because it was cold out. I wore black jeans and boots. I applied my usual amount of make up. I stepped down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, I made coffee and pancakes. I ate them alone at the table in silence. Blake was asleep (like always, if he's not drunk or seeing things he's asleep.) and I doubt dad even came home from wherever he was. I finished and washed the dishes. I brushed my teeth and for once I knew I wouldn't be late because I was a few minutes earlier than normal. I texted Zack and asked for a lift. I had such a bad night sleep I couldn't find the energy to walk. He said he'd be about two minutes so I checked Facebook. I scrolled through the usual keeping commentary in my head like 'no one cares' 'knobhead' and several other names and opinions until I came across one status that caught my interest. It was a boy from Zack, Bennet and Jason's gym class.
For those who don't know yet, Jason does plan to get with Ell again, she is just being difficult that's all. Certain assholes need to butt out.
I read through the comments, half of them were along the lines of 'they were so cute together. I want them back together, she shouldn't have let him go!' But there was also the fair share of 'she doesn't deserve him the whore.' I was to busy reading comments to notice Zack sat down beside me.
"So have you read them all?" Pulling me out of the trance I was in.
"Yeah, I, er, I saw them all."
"What're you gonna do?" I shrugged because the truth is, I don't know what I'm going to do, what will I do? I can't keep ignoring him. I don't want what happened in summer to happen again.
I climbed on Zack's motorcycle and thought of summer.

"I love you." I said to Jason who was pulling his shirt on. I was wrapped in his sheets.
"Good." He replied bluntly. It was always like this and I hated it.
"Do you not love me?' I asked the hurt evident in my voice.
"Of course." He refused to say it. He never says I love you, he just implies it. That's what I hated the most. "Then say it." I demanded. I was never this confident, not around him, but enough is enough.
"Say what?" He was playing dumb and pretended not to know what I was talking about. I rolled my eyes. "If you love me, say it. Say you love me!" I said pulling on my clothes. I was prepared to leave if I had to. "Why?!?" He busted in anger. I clearly pushed a button but I didn't care. I laced up my converse.
"Say you love me, mean it, or I'm leaving and we are done." He looked surprised by my words, heck, I was. "Don't be so ridiculous princess."
"No! Im not your princess anymore. Screw you! 2 years and you still can't say I love you? What is this to you? A joke? We are done. Don't ask for me back. This is you're fault Jason! I hate you!!" I screamed my voice breaking. I stormed out of his house. He called out after me but I just wiped my tears away and continued walking. I was done. For good.

I was at school heading to my maths class when I was stopped by a hand in front of me. I frowned and looked to the person the hand belonged to. I saw Bennet and smiled. He made me feel... Safe?
"Hey Ell. Can I walk you to your math class?" I continued to smile at him.
"Sure, if you will bless me with your company." I said and my smile turned into a smirk. He laughed and we began walking to Math class which was on the top floor.
"I heard about the fight. And what it was about."
"Ah, you heard."
"Yeah, I just wanted to say thank you."
"It's fine, I'm sure if you were going to get with him you would. I mean, you're a pretty girl who can have anyone."
"Pretty?" I asked. He blushed.
"Uh, yeah, I, um, I find you, er, attractive. I find you attractive Ell." He eventually stuttered out and I smiled at his nervousness.
" I find you attractive to Bennet."