The suicidal boy I mean everything to.

Chapter 23. Do you miss this?

The ride to Jason's was silent. Although he put music on, it was quiet, so quiet I could hear every car drive past when it was driving really slow. I could hear the rain gently patter the window. I forgot to say, it was raining pretty bad. I inhaled sharply and somehow caught Jason's attention.
"I know you were at my party Princess." He said, I turned my attention away from my window and to him. We pulled up at a red light and he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel.
"How?" It's not as if it's a big deal, but usually he would have spoken to me.
"I saw you leave by yourself. It took me a while but I got Jenna off of me and I ran outside to see you, but Ben beat me to to it. I saw you leave in his car. Then you didn't go to school the next day, neither did Ben and I knew you guys were together. I phoned him to ask if he was still with you and he said you guys were going to spend the weekend together. I hope you know I still care about you." He finished as we began to move again. We weren't far away from his house now.
"I know you still do, I care about you too." There was a long pause and he didn't move, his face looked crestfallen. "Nothing happened you know?" I said, he nodded, a slight wash of relief went over his face. It's bad enough he doesn't know about Matt yet so to explain the Bennet situation as well would be awkward. We pulled up outside his house. I walked in and I recognised everything, Jason didn't even have to direct me to do anything, I'd been here so often I knew where everything was and where it should go. The smell of cookies roamed the massive house.
"You know, last time we came in here together, neither of us were acting tame at all." He whispered in my ear. His lips grazing the edge of it. I bit my lower lip at the memory.
"Yeah, I know." I whispered back. I inhaled slowly. I was here to make amends and talk about my problems, nothing else. I need to keep it together. I don't know if I can though. We walked into his kitchen where I saw his mother and younger sister making cookies. That explains the smell.
"Ell!!" Jolene squealed as she ran towards me.
"I knew you and Jay-Jay would get back together I knew it!! I knew it!! I did!! Ever since you guys broke up he told me how much he missed you and how he still loved you and-"
"Jolene, that's enough, leave your poor brother alone! Ellen, sweetheart, how lovely to see you." Christina said as she wrapped her arms around me. She kissed me on the cheek. The way she always greeted me.
"Nice to see you to Mrs Armstrong, how are you?" I said to her as I patted Jolene's head who was hugging one side of me, Christina released me and went back to the cookies. Jolene squeezed me tightly before I let out a quiet choking sound and Jason cleared his throat.
"Jo?"She released me at Jason's word and went back to her seat on the island.
"I'm good darling thank you, might I ask what you're doing here?" She quizzed.
"Me and Ellen are just going to catch up mother, I hope that's okay." Jason spoke in a correct manor, pronouncing every word in the most correct way possible. If only his posh mother knew how incorrectly postured and inappropriately he speaks at school.
"Of course Jason, do you guys want anything?" Christina asked.
"No thank you, we are fine, thank you mother." Jason said putting his hand on my lower back guiding me away.
"Bye Jay-Jay! Bye Ellen!!" Jolene shouted.
"Jolene, for goodness sakes, no shouting in the house!" I heard Christina say to Jolene as we walked away.
"I'm sorry about that, I've told her countless times just to call you Ell and for what Jo said, just ignore her. She's still positive me and you are going to get married one day."He muttered under his breath.
"It's fine, I don't mind your mother calling me Ellen, and I think what Jo said was sweet. Plus, I bet she is right." I teased him. He scoffed but didn't say anything. I followed him up the stairs and into his room. I sat down on the bed, his room hadn't changed much, just as Bennet had said, there were still picture of us on the walls. The one of us in barely nothing, one of us laughing and holding hands. Pretty much every photo of us was on a board that was hung up on a wall. I walked over to the wall and began to study each picture.
"I haven't come around to taking that down yet. I don't want to to be honest." He said, I felt his presence behind me, then I literally felt him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me. I noticed he'd taken his shirt off. Probably because it got wet.
"Tell me princess, do you miss this?" He spoke gently, his lips tickling my neck.
"I... I um-" he slowly started moving against me.
"How about when I did this?" He spoke slowly. He began to put his arms up my shirt. He reached my bra and played with the lace.
"Do you miss it Ell? Do you miss us?" I wanted to turn around and say yes. I wanted to have him back. I wanted to be able to love him until the sun goes down. But I can't. What we had was perfect in some ways but awful in others. And it would be wrong, it's not only him anymore.
"I've changed Ell, I promise you. I would never be so controlling again. If I had you back, I'd never let you go. Please Ell, let me show you what you and I could have again, but this time we make it better." He said spinning me around. I studied him for a moment, I saw the honesty in his eyes. I wanted him back, but I can't do it. Not yet.
"Jason, I love you still don't get me wrong, but we should take things slower. Just last week, I punched you in the face, we can't go around holding hands and making out in front of everyone straight away." He looked at me and nodded.
"You're right, but, there's still a chance, right?"
"Of course there is." He smiled at me and sat down on the bed. I sat next to him.
"So tell me Princess, what's been troubling you?" I smiled at him before beginning, I told him that dad was with my Gran, that after I spent the weekend always she banned me from seeing him or Blake ever again. I told him how I'm now living alone, how I've got the money from my small part time job and the £100 that automatically transfers itself from Gran's bank to mine but I'm not sure if that's going to stop now. I told him about the argument between me and Amber at his party. Before you knew it, it was dark outside and I had my legs slung over Jason as he sat up and I led down.
"Oh my god! Have you seen the time?!?" I said checking my phone.
"No, what is it?"
"11:15, we have school tomorrow as well." I spoke.
"You have two options: stay here and I'll take you to school tomorrow, I still have some of your old stuff, or I could take you home." I didn't need to think about it, but I pretended too.
"I think I'll just stay here, is your guest room still free?" I asked.
"Princess, just sleep next to me."