Locked (Emison)

New Alison

Alison's POV

It's been one week. One week, I haven't done anything. I just got out to buy food, the rest of the time I stayed on my new apartment, thinking doing nothing. Everything is mess right now, I don't know what to do. I thought about getting a job, but, I just don't want to. I have money and I don't wanna go to work and come back to this empty flat every day of the week, I would end up so much worse than I am right now. I haven't seen my family either, they did what I said for once, not look for me. Right now I'm on the mattress, just looking around, thinking about the same stuff. I'm getting tired of this, I need to do something, I need a solution for this situation. I stand up and I go to the bathroom, the only place in the house where I can find a mirror. I stop right in front of it, to look at myself. I look horrible, being honest. My hair is shit, and it's so long. I look tired, my face is pale and with big eye bags. My clothes are old and shitty... I think I've never looked this bad. I start to feel so frustrated inside, this is too much for me. I hit the mirror, it doesn't break but I hurt my hand.

"Fuck!" I scream on the top of my lungs, letting all the anger I have inside go out.

I fall on my knees, I sit on the cold floor and I start to cry. I'm literally sobbing, but I can't help it, I've been locking these feelings inside for one week, I had to explode. I grab my knees and I keep crying. The thing is, that all these feelings come from one thing, and I know what that thing is. I miss Emily too much, I need to see her again, I need to feel her next to me, hug her, kiss her, tell her how much I love her... without her I'm totally lost. After a few minutes trying to stop I stand up again, to look at myself one more time. I look even horrible than before. I stay looking at the mirror for a few seconds. I don't like what I'm seeing reflected on it. I see myself, but, I'm old self. I was like this a year ago, crying in the bathroom feeling like shit. Prison changed me, the girls and Emily... After everything I've been through I can't let myself go down to this again. I feel so angry right now, I need to change, this needs to change. I put my hair on a ponytail and I clean my face. I'm going to change. I walk out from the bathroom, so fast. I stop in the middle of the flat, everything is so sad around me... I take the things that were on the box, my notebook, hers... I take all that stuff and I leave it in front of me. I see the drawing Emily gave me the last day I saw her, I still think is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I take it, softly, I promised her. I stand up again and I move the mattress to one of the corners, this place is not going to be as sad as it is right now. I take the drawing, and with a tack I put it on the wall. I feel a little smile growing on my face, this is the little part from her that I have with me right now, the only one. I take her notebook, it's full of drawings. I pass the pages, all of them are amazing. I see the tree she showed me one time... I thought it was perfect then but now... it looks like a real photo. I keep passing and... the drawings change. It's me now, there are a few that are me. It's amazing, I want to put all of them around. I take them off of the notebook, carefully, I don't want to break them. Maybe she'll kill me one day for stealing this, but it's beautiful and I want to see it every day. I start to put them all over the wall that's close to my bed... if I can call it that. After a few minutes there are like.... Twenty drawings on the wall. I don't why but when I look at all of them, it's like if she was here, it's like all those drawings were a part of her. I feel better now, I have hope. I go back the bathroom, I take off this shitty shirt and put on just the hoodie, I'm going out. I grab some things, I don't even have keys, the only way to open the door is with the hairpins. Since the house is not mine, and supposedly no one is living here, if someone finds out I'm staying here I's probably go back to prison again. I take a bag and put inside some money, it's the only things I need, I have nothing to do with my phone. I close the door and walk out. It's cold outside but I don't mind, this hoodie is so warm. Okay, the first things I'm going to do is buy clothes, new ones, everything I have is old and I just don't like it, I changed. I go to the mall, it's still like I remembered it... full of rich people that the only thing they know to do is buying things they don't need. I walk all over it, looking down, I don't want to face someone I knew before. I see this store... I always wanted to go in but when I was with Shana and the others I just couldn't, they thought it was shit, mostly because it's cheap. I walk over there, basically everything they have is black, normal stuff, not those shirt that all the girls wear that barely cover your body.