Locked (Emison)

Can't fight this feeling

Alison's POV

Last night was horrible, when i walked in she was already sleeping on her bed. For a little moment i thought that maybe i could talk with her and fix it but she was sleeping, she didn't even care. I woke up and she was gone, probably she walked away that fast to don't see me. Honestly i don't knkw what do tp, i'm desperate. I need to fix it, for once in my life i had someone who listened to me, someone who really cared about me and loved me... i let that person go away. I stand up and get my bathroom things, i need a warm shower to clear everything and just think. Hanna will be there too, i'm so glad i have her right now. I make my way to the bathroom, it's early so there's probably not a lot of people there and i won't have to wait that much. I walk in, Hanna is not here yet, well, she'll come soon. I see free shower and i get in. I still remember the first week in here, how horrible was shower time for me, but now i don't give a fuck. I take off my clothes and walk in, i turn on the water and.i feel warm water going that my body. I was freezing, the nights are really cold here and more now that it's almost winter. I can't wait to get out of here, to have a warm bed, normal food... a normal life again. But right after those thoughts, the idea of leaving them here haunts me. I don't know what to do. I decide to get out from the shower, i wanna go somewhere before breakfast starts, i still have like twenty minutes. I fastly dress up again, i put my wet hair on a bun, i don't want my back part of the suit wet because i'm going outside and I'll probably end up sick. I leave my things on my room, on y way to outside i pass right next to Hanna's room, she's still on her pajamas. She sees me and walks to the door.

"Hey. How you feeling today?" She asks me woth a sleepy voice.

"Like yesterday" I say with a sad voice. If i say i'm okay i would be lying. "I already took my shower, i'm going outside to breath fresh air and just take walk, see you on breakfast?" I informe her.

"Yeah, see you there" She says with a little smile.

I turn to walk away but she grabs my arms. I turn to her, she's gonna say something.

"Ali, don't push yourself too hard. You'll find a solution and everything will be fine again, okay?" She says basically warning me.

"I won't, don't worry" I say faking a smile.

This time she lets me go, i walk fast, walking through people who go to the bathroom or come from it. I finally get to that door, it's always opened. I walk out, the cold instantly hits me, making goosebumps appear all over my body. There's no one out, just me and this cold. I see the tree, there's where i'm going. I put my hands on the pockets of the hoodie i got right before i walked out, i'm always wearing this hoodie, it's so warm. After walking less than a minute i get there. It's cloudy, a sad day. I sit like i used to with Emily when we came here, with my back against the tree and just looking and everything. I turn a little, i came here to see this. I slowly touch it, it feels like a scar. It's still there what Emily did with her knife. I pass the tips of my fingers following the letters. There are a lot of emotions inside of me right now. I feel anger, because she's not with me. I feel shame, about what happened and my stupid actions. I feel sadness... but most of all, i feel love, love about her. This makes me remember all the good times we had together. I feel a little tear going down my cheek, it feel so cold. I take it off and i keep looking at it. I need to get her back. Suddenly i hear the breakfast bell. Time went so fast, it felt like i was there just for a minutes... I stand up again, the first thing i have to do i try to feel better and fix this stupid thing. I walk inside again, i go directly to the cafeteria, i don't think Hanna is already there but i have nowhere else to go. I walk in, there's no one at our usual table, but honestly i don't think it could be a good idea to sit there. Emily is probably gonna come soon and the others too. I don't want this problem to affect them too, it's a thing between Emily and me, and i don't want to make their breakfast awkward and weird. I'm gonna go to the table in the corner where i used to sit with Hanna during my first weeks here. I get my food and i go there. I'm gonna wait for Hanna to come. After like five minutes she walks in, i notice she's looking around to find me. When she sees me she makes a little smile, gets her food and sits with me.